Are you insulted?

12 Indians were deplaned from an airline yesterday because they were 'acting suspiciously'. The Indian media was full of righteous indignation and it seems that the entire nation, race and species has been insulted. And before you start feeling the same let me tell you of my experiences about Indians I have traveled with.

But first, the important thing you have to remember in this case is that all these people were part of a group who were textile merchants who had gone to attend some trade fair. The US marshals swooped down on them when they did not heed repeated requests by the cabin crew to sit down and fasten their belts before take off. They were also passing around their mobile phones (presumably showing each other nude clips they have surreptitiously clicked of the whores they had picked up) even when the switch off phones message was announced. While I agree that these actions don’t brand them as terrorists (is the xenophobia rampaging in the west really unjustified? I don’t know, that’s the topic for another post), but YES, these actions completely justify throwing out such arseholes.

As for how we (and hooligan English soccer fans) behave in groups, I have had personal experiences of both. Traveling to Bangkok from India was an eye opening experience for me. There are 2 types of groups that travel to Thailand. The first are the corporate groups who are traveling to attend some kind of sales meet or ‘team building workshops’ (both are companies’ ways of preventing attrition by providing pussy…PAPP shall we say?). The other is what are called ‘pigeons’ or ‘kabutars’. These are guys that are sent to buy electronics or computer hardware parts in bulk to carry back to India and sell at Indian rates.

And how they behave makes me ashamed that I am an Indian. The first group talk to each other LOUDLY across rows, click snaps of each other, discuss the vital stats of the cabin crew, get drunk and generally make life for everyone else miserable. The second group change into lungis, start card games, drink themselves silly when they realize that drinks are free and then puke between their legs. Can you believe it when I tell you that the Thai Airways security announcement video says ‘Sitting on the floor is not allowed’?

Deplane them? I think these guys should be deplaned when the flight is 30000 feet in the air.

Stories of B

When B came back after attending his first day in IGNOU he was ecstatic. The girls there were out of the world, he said, and every evening we used to sit around him, green with envy, as he recounted his flirtations with the Neerjas and the Somas of that Utopia. Soon enough, Bhan started pestering him for an 'intro' and then came the fateful day when B pronounced that he had invited some of them to his house for a get-together next week. That week was spent in frenzied preparation, doing push-ups to tone up the body, dabbing Clearsil on those dastardly pimples that had an uncanny instinct of emerging just before these momentous occasions and trying to wheedle out 50 bucks from our mothers to buy a new t-shirt.

A couple of days before the big day, we were in B's house as usual, making plans and allocating the girls amongst ourselves. B was unusually quiet that day and when prodded he said 'look guys, one thing i must tell you is that these girls i have invited are not too hot'. His comment was swept aside in our collective enthusiasm..at that time anything in a skirt used to be good enough for us. However, during the next couple of days, B kept on, his descriptions of the girls involving newer and more strongly worded negatives and eventually some seeds of doubts got planted in our minds.

Sure enough when the big day came our suspicions came true. Me and Bubai were always the 'look before you leap' types..so we decided to check out the girls from Bubai's balcony when they arrived. And boy! They were a sorry looking lot, even for our highly compromising standards! Bhan, shaved, perfumed and freshly scrubbed from his monthly bath, however was not so lucky as he was already in B's house by that time. So, after sitting through a horrible afternoon, an understandibly furious Bhan launched into a tirade when we reconvened in the evening in B’s house. B took this for about 10 minutes, then barked out ‘don’t you talk to me about bad looking girls. Your girlfriend is the worst sample I have seen in my life’.

And you know why that was totally below the belt? B had once gotten interested in a girl who used to move around with a girlfriend who was, shall we say, a bit ‘problematic’. So B had this brainwave. He convinced BH to ‘appo’ the girlfriend and then through her got to know the other girl. B had his fun with the girl, BH ended up marrying the ‘problematic’ girlfriend.

B was amazing!

Bappa

It was the eve of the Cost Accountancy entrance exam. The paper was GK, and a shell shocked B was sitting with an open quiz book on his lap, his mouth slack, rounded eyes staring vacantly into space. He had just discovered that Indira Gandhi wasn't the daughter of the Mahatma!

There are a zillion stories about B but till date I haven’t had the courage to write about them. Some won’t pass the censor board, some will lose their flavor in translation and some are so unbelievable that no one would believe them. But I would make an attempt anyway, else these stories would get lost in the damp corridors of my alcohol soaked brain.

The time was 1988 to 1992. I had met B when he joined Xavier's in class 11 and we somehow hit it off immediately. Bh and Bu were his pada friends, and soon the four of us became inseparable. And B was the star of the show. He was the original eccentric who used to perform antics that used to leave us spellbound. At a time when our sexual experiences were limited to having fantasies about the middle aged neighborhood ‘kakima’, B was going through relationships like he was born in the free-loving swinging 60-s, picking and dropping gorgeous girls at the drop of a hat, selling his cycle to assist a girlfriend through an abortion, ‘accidentally’ getting into a physical relationship with a girl he had brought home to teach her yoga, carrying a nan-chaku to his tuition class to ward off rival suitors and so on and on. The list was endless and to us he was absolutely larger than life.

Those years were probably the best of our lives. We were so damn content with each others’ companies, least caring about the rest of the world, cocooned in our absolute belief that we would be together forever, and that life would go on just like that, no worries, no ambitions, no plans, just the fact that we would meet again the next day and the next and the next.

Bh got married and broke off all contact. B is in the US and he doesn’t take a step before consulting his wife. Me and Bu are carrying on, wistfully remembering those days whenever we get together and wondering why we ever grew up and grew apart.

PS: Bu, I really tried to write about the cassette library, the confrontations with Kaku, the walking with his underwear locked around his knees, his conversations with Bh...its impossible. Either I am not a good enough writer, or B is too large to be captured on the pages of a blog.

Houseguest problems anyone?

I am paying a huge price for a tiny mistake i made. The wife's friend's brother was coming down to delhi for a month or so for some work and he called me up to ask about places to stay. The wife's friend was a bomb, and because of flashes of her sacred memory i offered that he can move in with me for some time and then look around.

Mistake.

He has moved in permanently. That by itself is not a problem. The problem is he has ALL the characteristics that turns me off completely. He talks incessantly. He is one of those people who feel insecure when not mouthing off. Be it summarising a newspaper article while reading the morning paper, admiring a new car that is being launched, opining about any issue while watching the news, anecdotes about office colleagues, the state of the telecom industry, the infrastructural problems indian cities are facing etc etc etc. You must be wandering what my problem is. These are everyday topics that are discussed all the time in conversations with friends. Agreed. The gaping hole in that logic is that as 'conversations' these make sense. You see, throughout all these, i sit like a statue carved out of granite.

Thats right. All these are monologues. I dont participate. Does that dry him up? OH NO..he goes right on. I have tried leaving the room, he goes on. I have tried opening the laptop and typing seriously (like now), the words flow on. I have tried conversation stopper replies (like 'if thats your point of view we should stop this conversation right now'), he carries on with a beatific smile. I have tried putting on a movie he likes, just so he will shut up..he reads out the subtitles. I go and stand in the balcony, he starts playing a game on his cell phone, and for my benefit does a running commentory (thats level 1, yeah, now come on Dronzo the Dragon..).

Last night I really wanted to be alone for some time. Some peace, some introspection, some solitude to take a few decisions (if you have read the last post you would know why). So i worked out a strategy. I came back home, had an early dinner, yawned copiously, then said that its been a dog's day, goodnight. Went to my room, feigned sleep for 30 mins, heard the living room lights go out, heard the door to his room close, waited 15 minutes, then tiptoed out, stood in the balcony, took a long drag on the fag, exhaled out to the cool full moon night, revelling in the silence, welcoming the end to a stressful week, trying to recharge the batteries to prepare for the fight I knew I had to fight in office in the coming week..he comes up from behind and tells me 'Thank god you are awake. I was getting so bored'.

I didnt deserve this. I seriously want a shoulder to cry my heart out. MOMMY! I NEED YOU!

Inevitably..

my cynicism triumphed. The past month was spent in hectic work, the drying up of posts must have proved that. It was a time when I actually felt I was doing meaningful work, part of a team of dedicated guys working together to surmount a major challenge.

it all came crashing down yesterday..wont bore everyone with the details...but i am finally convinced that we indians are generally a bastard race. and i have sworn that before i quit i will write a mail to Sam Palmisano our CEO, telling him exactly what's going and advicing him to take his shop elsewhere.

sorry bubai..couldn't come up with a positive post even this time.

Kotoi Rongo Dekhi Duniyay (Oh fuck! is there no end to the crap i see?)

Watching Sahara Samay now (i rarely get time nowadays to watch TV..whenever i do i make it a point to either watch a news channel or a 'lifestyle' channel..gives me something to write about..

anyway...sahara is covering a car for the past 1 hour which has 3 occupants..a girl who is driving, and 2 other friends..they are high, waving at the camera, and they drove their car right up to the PM's residence!! (as if its their problem, not the security agencies) and its still going on...

Now a very seriously concerned correspondent is linking the episode to the nuke deal that US signed today and the mumbai blast..

this looks promising..now they are trying to get cleavage shots of the girl who was driving as she is walking into the police station...

this looks good..logging off now..HAIL INDIA NEWS CHANNELS!!!!

Madness 3

the girl was something i dont even want to talk about. not even on my diary. in fact, i have reached this stage of self control where i dont even dream about her. i dont even think of how she screamed..and then laughed..in that high pitched voice kids have that drives me crazy, like hearing a hard chalk on a blackboard, or a steel cup scraped along a floor, or that incessant meaningless loud chatter when a group of them accumulate....sounds that makes me want to ram something down their throats, something short and abrasive, something that will scrape and scratch and shred their oh so soft pipes, drawing blood, raping that thing that the educated call the 'mucus' or whatever..i think of muck when i hear of that word..muck, shit, slime..all the words in the english dictionary that define these pests.

it was all right till the time i had one 'of mine own'. i fact, since i wont lie to my diary, let me confess that the only reason i finally decided to allow one of these smelly bitches to share my bed and commode was the fact that i could have one of these things to play with, away from the prying eyes of neighbors and 'concerned' doctors and teachers'. dont get me wrong here..i am not one of those choots who are (what the educated call) paedophiles...how can one think of sex when all one wants to do whip those bastards into total compliance? there's another english word for this of kind of fetish as well (i dont remember, nor do i care)...we live in a world where every abnormanility can be termed (and thereby justified) by some medical or psychological (or whatever term)..this so called abnornamility that i had had nothing to do with all that..is discipline an abnormality?

when the time came when i had to start listening to the clamors of marriage, all i used to think of was having some of my own..and after the first 7 months of our marriage (yes, dear diary...i had made sure that the waiting time was as less as possible..the bitter half was chosen accordingly) things started taking a rosy turn. in fact, i couldnt wait to get back home, when the doorbell rang and i could heard the sound of pattering feet, hear the scraping of the lock as he struggled to open the dual locks, hear the frantic struggle to take out the latest 'painting' he had excreted, hear the bitch put on the final touches to her hair before the door swung back....and then see the expressions change when they looked at my face, see the shrinking away, almost hear the pounding hearts, almost smell the naked smell of fear when i stumble in with my whiskey breath and bloodied shirt.

Hail Democracy!

Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high;
Where knowledge is free;
Where the world has not been broken up into fragments by narrow domestic walls;
Where words come out from the depth of truth;
Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection;
Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way into the dreary desert sand of dead habit;
Where the mind is led forward by thee into ever-widening thought and action--
Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake.

-- Rabindranath Tagore (1901)

It took India 105 years to finally disqualify itself on ALL counts among the parameters listed above. Whatever the situation we were in till date, at least the common man had a voice. Its not important whether that voice acheved anything or not. At least he had one. Not any more. The Indian government has banned blogs, logic being that these are being used by terrorists to communicate. So 18 blog sites, containing 'objectionable, anti-nationalistic' sentiments (like calling that sardar an arsehole) have been blocked. As Daltrey sang these lines..

'And the men who spurred us on
Sit in judgement of all wrong
They decide and the shotgun sings the song
I'll tip my hat to the new constitution
Take a bow for the new revolution'..

But guess what? You know how one can access the blogs (how i am posting that is)..there is a Pakistani site that has the hack to open blogs that are blocked in India, China and Iran. So basically, Indians whose voices have been shut because of Pakistan backed terrorist can now open their mouths aided by a site hosted by Pakistanis.

Bravo India Bravo!!!

Sub chutiye hai.

I am thankful to the media. Thankful to the news channels, to the papers, to television..to everyone who somehow manage to save me at the last moment whenever it looks like i might shake off the comatose state and do something constructive. If you have read the last post you might have started getting worried that maybe finally i would wake up and do something..here's what's been happening over the weekend:

1) riots in mumbai becos someone painted thackeray's wife's statue black..buses have been burned, trains stopped and traffic disrupted...there's the Mumbai Spirit for you...2 days after the city was innundated and people waded thru shit to reach home.

2) surdies fighting amongst each other in ludhiana..akali dal faction fights...all the hockey stick 'interactions' live on tv

3) neighbors pouring ink over a 60 yr old professor because he is having an affair with his 22 yr student (covered EXTENSIVELY over 6 hrs in all news channels)

4) patient comes to AIIMS and docs are on strike..patient has 60% burns..not admitted..but reporters cover him, sitting outside the hospital, waiting for treatment..they dont take him to another hospital..oh no..they wait....and sure enough..the guy succumbs from his burns..and NOW, they are taking on the system and the administration.

5) guy threatens immolation over some fucking issue (i am least bothered, dont even remember)..time and date fixed. media reaches there, cameras on, guy immolates, dies, cameras rolling, 3 days of debate, lamenting the system.

6) bombay blasts..people walk home, smile on camera, people staying overnight at stations, food getting served, picnic atmosphere..BOMBAY SPIRIT!


FUCK INDIA! WE ABSOLUTELY DESERVE WHAT WE HAVE. CONSULTANTS!!! MAIL ME.

India shining!

Increasingly these days, I get approached by young guys, asking if I can get them some work. Their profile varies from a daily wage labourer to a qualified chartered accountant. I feel desperately sorry for these guys and sometimes I wonder how I would have handled a situation where I have to approach unknown people for a job. I have seen a lot of such guys, as well as office peons earning 1000 bucks a month, traders sitting on pavements selling used pins, broken radio parts and what not, jobless graduates standing in the midday sun requesting passers by to fill up a credit card application form....and have wondered how they can manage to support their families.

Yesterday I had to go to a place about 3 kms from my office where there are major hassles finding a parking slot; so i took a mini-van. Suddenly a huge rucus started in the front - the conductor was asking a guy for fare and he was saying he just wanted to travel for one stop. Finally the bus was stopped and he was bodily thrown out. At that time i cursed him for the delay..later i started thinking what possible situation a man might be in that he has to resort to such things to save two bucks?

What kind of a future can they dream of? Or do they even dream any more?

In a country such as ours, I sometimes feel ashamed of the industry I am in and the so called 'work' that I do and the pay packet I take home doing that. But then, I will only write about it..i am too lazy to do anything constructive about it.

Madness -2

It had all started about 3 months back - when I first started seeing the faces. Faces of a woman and two children. Faces with their expressionless eyes. Faces motionless, just staring at me, like vultures waiting for a prey to breathe its last. I still remember the first time distinctly. I had taken my car keys out of the dressing table drawer and looked up in the mirror and saw her. She was standing just behind my right shoulder, and though outwardly she looked perfectly ordinary, I knew that she was rotting inside. I could smell the graveyard earth on her, I could feel the emptiness, the nothingness inside her. And she just stood there, not making idiotic scary faces or exposing dripping canines or puking green vomit. She just fucking stood there motionless, even as the terror inside me finally erupted out, as i blindly lashed out and swept everything off the dresser, struggling to breathe, struggling to push air into my starving lungs, to unlock the muscles of heart and get the bastard ticking again. Then she was gone, and I began screaming, screaming till I felt my vocal chords about to break from the strain, screaming till i could hear the pounding on the door, till the neighbors finally broke in and forced me to lie down, till I could feel a prick on my neck and then oblivion.

After that it became quite common. I saw her again one day looking at me from the balcony outside my bedroom as I tossed around waiting for sleep to come. And then the children started. The first time was a boy of about 6. It was a power cut that day and I was climbing the stairs to my third floor apartment with a torch in hand. I rounded a corner and the torch fell on his unflinching eyes as he stood 4 steps above me. He was dressed in a school uniform and it was drenched with blood. Oh dear sweet god, there was so much blood! Again I felt my throat closing up, my heart locking and as i frantically clawed at my throat the torch fell out of my nerveless fingers and in the dark he(it) brushed by me and i actually felt the cotton shirt and the sticky blood and tissues as he went past. I had a screaming fit that day too and had to be put under sedation for 12 hours.

..to be continued (tough job..have to finish soon and get on with cribbing about life)

With apologies to none

A very close friend of mine, a regular reader of my blog, a guy totally opposite in character to me has been increasingly concerned regarding the sheer negativity of my attitude (in life in general and in this blog in particular) and cynicism. His standard question to me after one of my monologues is 'Is there anything in life that you like'? Agreed with him completely..until yesterday, when the 'Madness' post proved too much for him and he send me a link to a blog of a couple who blog together, sharing their favourite songs, travel plans, inform the readers how they miss each other and how they enjoyed their family function.

Here is my response to that..and to everyone else who feels that way about me:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


ok..let this be a litmus test between your optimism and my cynicism. if u know them and follow their lives let me know what happens..not what they write in their blog but what actually happens (if u get to know about it that is)

and by the way..i am sorry but i hated the blog..reminded me of sooraj barjatiya..he will be happy in bombay..with his hindi love songs and walking thru waist high water with floating shit. i found the blog totally depth-less, in total disconnect with the real world.

by the way..i have had a great life...people who know me know how much i love life..thats why i try and collect experiences as varied as i can possibly can. i dont know anyone personally who has as many good memories as i have. when i die it would be without regrets. my blog is a place for all the other things in life..all the fuck ups and all the crap that is making this world a screwed up place. the REAL world is somewhere between the blog you sent and my blog.

its anybody's choice what their reading material should be like. an electric shock or a sugar coated sleeping pill. and that's all right with me.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Madness

The place deep within the centre of the brain had started itching again. It was maddenning, an itch that was was somehow both physical and psychological at the same time. And the more i thought about it, the more it seemed to pulse and throb and grow, like an alien mass of jelly that i had seen in those thousands of sci-fi flicks of the 70s.

I realised that i was slowly going mad. I could actually visualise myself cowering in the corner of a room, furiously scratching my head and face, drawing blood, bashing my head against the wall, lashing my back with a belt, trying to make my brain forget about the itch, trying to bring it back from the brink of that bottomless black void it was tottering on the edge on, a void from which there was no clawing back, a void at the bottom of which slithered silent, cold things, things one couldnt hear but can feel sliding up your body, surely finding out the orifices of your body and making their way up to the brain, as if guided by some beaming signal sent out by the rotting, metling brain.

...to be continued (maybe)

Dont worry

OK..I am out of it. To all my dearest friends (and I am lucky to have all you guys), people who have started to worry about my mental state here are the changes:

1) I am not leaving IBM. I will stick around for a couple of years more and then see what the company can offer. If I manage to get a transfer to Pune in the near future then that will be an additional boon, else Delhi it is.

2) I have started cooking. Yesterday's mutton was slurpalicious.

3) French classes start from 10th evening.

4) Serious work starts from 3rd morning.

5) Detox starts from 10th evening.

Impossible is nothing.

My last poem

imagine
a life without tears
a world full of laughter
a mind without darkness
a heart full of hope.

imagine
an day without boredom
a week without fear
a month without anger
a year well spent

imagine
a poetry with meaning
a blog without pretensions
a shuv who sticks to prose
your life without my ramblings

Humanity

Read this and be ashamed. This is what we have achieved over a million years of evolution. What went wrong? What circumstance can drive a man to do this to his fellow man?

I, of course, have all the answers. If u ask me about africa (please ask me) i think it went horribly wrong when the white man came and tried to civilize the continent. When i was in Nigeria i had read Chinua Achebe where he had described how the social structure of a village is destroyed when a missionary comes with his concepts of religion, democracy and western society laws. Read 'Things Fall Apart' if you get the chance. It will give you a different picture of what 'civilization' has done to the human race.

I think the word 'humanity' should be scrapped from the dictionary now..or at least, redefined.

Movies that make you cry

I have noticed this trend in me and some of my friends. Old age is making us simultaenously cynical and maudlin. These two characteristics usually dont go hand in hand; a cynical guy is rarely moved to tears. But thats how it is.

I remember when i was a kid i used to bug everyone while watching tear jerkers like 'Anand' - my favorite past time was shining a torch into my father's while he struggled to hold back his tears. Now the same movie invariably makes me cry (i particularly love that scene when Johnny Walker breaks down). There are sequences in Gandhi that moves me to tears, I cry with Mukul when he sees the ruins of his house in Sonar Kella, I cry when Forrest meets his son for the first time and asks if he is normal or like him, I even fucking cry when Vinny wins the case in My Cousin Vinny.

Pretty fucking disgusting I think.

Wanderlust

wan·der·lust (wŏn'dər-lŭst') noun: A very strong or irresistible impulse to travel.

[German : wandern, to wander (from Middle High German) + Lust, desire (from Middle High German, from Old High German).]

When I was 17 I met this American guy in Calcutta airport. I was doing a part time job for the Ministry of Tourism, the job being to fill up a questionnaire about tourism experiences of foreign tourists in India. This 20 something guy was sitting on a suitcase when I approached him and when I asked him what his permanent address was he patted his suitcase and said this is it. He had left home at the age of 17 and for the last 10 odd years he has been travelling around the world, working his way through one country to another, staying for as long as he liked and then moving on. He had come to Calcutta hoping to do some work with Mother Teresa and hopefully to roam the rest of India. I went home and after eating food my mother prepared and keeping the unwashed plates in the sink for the maid, I went to my room, turned on Floyd and thought 'what a life this guy has! how lucky he is that he can afford to do this'..

I met a similar guy in Bangkok..this guy was an electrician in Denver and he takes 6 months off every 3 years and roams the world. I met him when he was on his fifth month, when he had reached Thailand after staying in Japan and Australia. Again i went green with envy, wishing I had the dollar power to be able to live such a life.

Wanderlust is common among bengalis. Any tourist place you go to in India will be full of the bong traveller, unmistakeable in his monkey cap, cardiganned wife and shawled mother. I asked a shopkeeper in Kumaon (last month when I went there) what the tourist season was like. He answered that usually its March to October, except for bengali tourists who come in the winters as well. But even these guys are not the true travellers. When I was a kid I had heard so many stories of bengali globe-trotters, who had left home in their teens and had worked their way across the world and came back home after 25-30 years.

I salute these guys. These were the guys that prove to couch dreamers like me that you dont need dollars or a permissible society to pursue your dreams.

Firsts

1) Driving around alone in the hot afternoons just so as not to stay at home alone.
2) Agreeing to go out with colleagues for a beer.
3) Trying to stay at office for as long as possible.
4) Eating out.
5) Sitting at Barista's and drinking coffee in the evenings.

Thanks vikas you bloody fool.

Goodbye and good luck

Vikas is leaving today for Australia. BIG decision, BIG uncertainties. Hope everything works out brother. Will be rooting for you. Go get them tiger.

Quirkyalone

Quirkyalone: noun/adj. A person who enjoys being single (but is not opposed to being in a relationship) and generally prefers to be alone rather than dating for the sake of being in a couple. With unique traits and an optimistic spirit; a sensibility that transcends relationship status. See also quirkytogether, perkytogether, quirkyslut.

There are some really great people doing great things out there man!! I mean all these years I grew up thinking that I am freak of nature when lo behold!!! I visit this site and find out that I belong to this thriving global community!

I am choking with emotion. Let me go to a corner and spend some time with myself alone.

Disclaimer!

Before i am banned from peoples' houses or family get togethers let me state that..

'Not all opinions expressed on this blog are mine. Some are deliberate attempts to provoke comments on a slow office day'.

Phew!! Some reactions are scary man!!

Promiscuity in the modern world

'Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's companion'...one of the bloody ten commandments

How can one exactly define 'loose' morals these days? In this day and age of failing marriages, dead relationships and robotic existences why is adultery still such a big deal? How does one justify a person who never cheats on his spouse but at the same time has a meaningless marital relationship? Is such a person a hypocrit, an escapist or is he the future of the institution called marriage?

Why is it that people can forgive a person who has a platonic relationship outside a regular relationship (be it marriage or otherwise) by justifying that 'everyone needs a shoulder to cry on'. Why is the same person labelled a cheat when the relationship becomes physical? Nowadays, people hardly meet someone they can talk to or relate to. All relationships are structured, all players all careful to play it according to the book, all of us are actors who mentally rehearse each line we speak before we utter them. When we find someone with whom one can be one's true self, is it a sin to bare one's soul to that person? And if one has bared one's soul, what is baring one's body?

Why are 'sacrifice' and 'adjustment' such holy words?

Arindam

I 'inherited' Arindam's friendship through by elder brother. Dadamoni and Anupam (Arindam's elder brother) were class friends and me and Arindam got introduced to each other when we joined class 1 in Xavier's. We were good friends till class 6 and even though we were in the same class right till class 12, that childhood bonding faded away by the time i was 14.

Arindam was the first boy in class throughout. He was brilliant in the arts subjects, was a good orator and a fantastic footballer. I personally believe that if he had gone pro all football lovers in India would have heard of him. But..this is what finally happenned to him.

He was always shaky in maths. Till class 10 it doesnt really matter as the science and maths syllabus are quite easy. Then there is a quantum leap in the higher secondary syllabus. He scored 85% in 10th (a lot in west bengal board standard) and expectedly was instructed by his parents to take up Science (all good bong students have to take up science and then become docs or engineers..its the law of the land). He somehow scraped through the board exams but did not crack any of the competitive exams. His family still were unable to reconcile the fact that their topper son was not cut out to be a science student, and he was forced to sit at home for a year and prepare for the next years entrance exams. He failed again and tried to commit suicide. I lost track of him after that. Then a couple of years back i heard that he has become a drug addict.

To all of you who have children please let this incident be a lesson. Please identity the inclinations and strengths of your children and help them pursue their dreams. Let us make sure that there are no more Arindams.

World Cup Soccer and India

Do you know the population of Togo? Its about the same as Andheri, a suburb of Mumbai where we used to stay. They are also a poor country, not having the natural resources that Nigeria or South Africa have. They have, however, qualified for the world cup. Should'nt we be ashamed of ourselves?

But wait...did you know who has supplied the balls for this year's world cup. Its a bloke from Jallandhar, Punjab. He had landed the 5 million dollar deal, and these are the first stitchless balls in the world. There also has been a lot of praise for the balls in terms of the movement and balance.

Good for you man! At least we are somewhere on the soccer map!

World Cup Trivia

Brazil won the world cup in 1994. Before that, Brazil had won this title for the last time in 1970.

If you add up: 1970 + 1994 = 3964

Argentina won the world cup for the last time in 1986. Before that only in 1978.

And 1978 + 1986 = 3964

Germany, though, won the world cup in 1990. Before that, Germany won in 1974.

Look: 1990 + 1974 = 3964

This could lead us to guess the winner of the World Cup in 2002, since it should be the winner of the 1962 World Cup (In fact 3964 - 2002 = 1962).

And Brazil won the world cup in 1962! (And, in fact, Brazil won the 2002 WC)

This numerology seems to work...

And now, who would be the winner of the 2006 world cup?

Let's see, 3964 - 2006 = 1958

And who won in 1958?

Oh, Brazil did!!!

Fear Factor

Generally dont watch it but yesterday's episode was so gruesome that I just couldn't flip the channel. Usually, people are made to eat ants or lie down with a million rats or spiders or perform similar intellectual asks. Yesterday, the grand prize was a year's free mortgage for which the participants (4 mother and son pairs) had to perform these simple tasks (fastest pair wins):

1) From a murky water filled blocked kitchen sink (drain blocked with hair and garbage) take out a set of keys using their mouths.

2) Open a glass cage filled with vipers with these keys and take out a box (first one has to unscrew a couple of screws holding the box. everyone got bitten).

3) Open the box and transfer 6 scorpions from the box to a bowl...using their mouths.

4) From a bottle of spoilt rotting milk transfer the contents of the bottle to a bowl using a straw.

5) Drive a low sports car alongside a 12 wheel truck at 60mph and 'undertake' the truck..that means cross the truck from underneath and overtake from the other side.

Each of these had to be done by BOTH the mother and son, separately. And ALL of them did all of this, no one failed to complete the agenda. The winner was decided on time. The expressions on the mothers' faces were to be seen to be believed...but they did it all.

I guess mortgage is important to these guys. Personally...i would rather pay my EMIs.

Review - Crash

I wont go into a cinematic discussion except to say that I loved the movie and the performances. I also missed Denzel Washington in the role of the black inspector..that would have added one more oscar to the kitty for Crash. No, this will more of a discussion about the issues the movie has highlighted.

Of the situations portrayed in the movie, I could identify a lot of scenarios that hold true in India today. We also have our divides, be it religious, regional or socio-economic and a lot of that create the same frictions as those the whites, blacks, hispanics, chinese and arabs are facing in the US today. We have our problems with the 'minority' muslims and they have the same with the blacks. States like West Bengal and Assam have Bangladeshi immigrant problems while they have the same with mexicans in Florida and LA. And the rich versus poor divide is always there.

There were 2 protagonists who were characterised very interestingly - the racist white cop and the racist black mugger. Both are portrayed as extreme cases of bigotry, who see the entire world through some invisible coloured glass, where any incident can be traced to some problem caused by the 'other' side. We have frightening similarities amongst our communal Hindu and Muslim brigades, and its a divide that seems to be deepening each day. There is also Sandra Bullock's character, who is a closet racist, who is surrounded by all kinds of immigrant population who are the domestic help, who finally shows her true colours once she is mugged by a black and uses that excuse to come out in the open with her parochial views.

There was another interesting sequence in which an episode of a soap was being shot and the director asked for a retake because a black guy didnt talk 'black' enough. Made me think of how bongs are portrayed in movies and tv. I mean how many bongs do you know who says 'Oooribaba, arey tumi kya kaurta haay'. Bongs and Tambis have been stereotyped for ages now. Padosan was one of the roots for the anti hindi movement in the south. There were other scenes in the movie where Americans are ridiculing arabs or chinese people for their accents and grammar (as if those fuckers speak english) and this was also portrayed as one of the factors why immigrants dont feel they belong.

All in all, I felt that the movie was really balanced. It managed to portray both sides on the picture without trying to analyse who is at fault. And even though I generally think the average american is an arsehole, I can kind of understand the situation they are in. True, when their economy was booming they had welcomed all kinds of immigrants to do their dirty jobs - mexican gardeners, puerto rican housemaids, indian coders, chinese cooks etc etc etc. Now that they have a job crunch they are cribbing about outsiders taking their jobs. But dont you get it? Its their bloody country and they have every right to give out AND take back jobs when they want. There was a scene in which a Syrian is ranting and raving to the authorities after his shop is burgled. I mean, why dont you go back to fucking Syria then? There you will be lucky to have a slum to stay in. How would you feel if Bangladeshi illegal immigrants staged a dharna in Calcutta because they dont like the conditions of their settlements? Forget about immigrants, how would you feel about your countryman who is studying in AIIMS because his grandfather washed toilets, or a muslim who has 4 wives and 20 children who feels muslims in India are persecuted?

THINK.

Hail Male Bonding!

The progression in the pictures tell an amazing story. Ayush and Shirley were as thick as thieves over the past couple of years. 80% of their waking time at home was spent together and it looked like they would never get tired of each other's companies. Harsha was the haddi in this kabab, and sometimes it saddenned me to see how these 2 used to gang up against this 12 year old. He used to be left out of their games, ignored in conversations and falsely accused when either of these 2 got hurt playing (kids can be damn cruel man, read Lord of the flies).. Suddenly in this trip i witnessed a change. Ayush is becoming a man, and he seems to be prefering Harsha's company. Shirley is more interested in discussing the latest Imran Hashmi kissing scene and trying to enact it with Ayush (scary!!) while Ayush is happier discussing the latest Power Rangers episode with Harsh. Ayush is getting into the physical games boys enjoy, like punching each other around or hammering away at a video game keyboard, and Shirley is not being able to keep up with the pace. The inevitable has started to happen and these 2 are now ganging up against Shirley. I did some reading on the net and found out that this usually happens to kids when they are about 5 or 6 when they start preferring same sex company. Am I happy?? MCP that I am, YEAH!!!

I am back (BOOOHOOOHOOO!!!!)

But what a great trip it was!! And instead of writing a looong post which no one will read, I will penn down thoughts about each place we visited as well as about some special incidents. Till then, enjoy this..

BREAK!!

'Pyare bhaio aur behno' (in Amin Sayani's voice)..it will be a couple of weeks till the 75th post is going to be penned. The wife and son are coming and then we are going on a looong trip to Kumaon (yipeee!!!). And the next one will be about that trip, pics galore. Till then....toodle doo.

A different world

Went to Saldana, a village near Meerut, for a day outing yesterday. Me, Bubai and Vikas with his school friends. One of his friend Sumit is the brother of the village pradhan there. 'Bade bhaiya' is the mai-baap of the entire region, and the region we are talking about (Meerut to Muzaffarpur) is the worst crime belt in India. He was part of the infamous Tyagi gang at one time, then went into legtimate business and then politics. His drinking buddies make up the rest of the region's who's who, and our main agenda was to experience what it felt like to be the guest of such a person.

The ride was hot and dusty and to combat the discomfiture everyone got busy in going through a gigantic database of MMS scandals that one of the guys had on his phone. By the time we reached there it was high noon, and everyone got down to their chaddis and plunged in the deliciously cool tube well tank. The next 5 hours was just sit in the water, get your drinks served up to you and talk.

What was amazing was how these guys recieved us. It was bade bhaiya who cooked country chicken for us (absolutely mindbogglingly delicious, with real spices), chote bhaiya who served us our drinks and a member of the village panchayat who served us food. These guys are not only politically powerful, they are also stinking rich. But i havent seen any guys of this stature who are so down to earth. When it was time for us to go they promised us that the next time they will get permission to go hunting and asked us to try and make an overnite trip (THAT will be one memorable post I can assure you).

At the end of it all I was pretty confused. These are the real criminals of India, who have broken all laws of the land, raped the political system and destroyed thousands of lives. On the other hand, personally, they are wonderful, warm and down to earth folks. How does one reconcile these two things?

Choose!

Bubai does 20 minutes of Pranayam every day. Vikas and Paplu do not. Whether you will start or not is up to you. I have.

Darna Zaroori Hai - Review

waha waha ramG (chuk chuk chuk chuk chuk chuk)
movie kya banayi (chuk chuk chuk chuk chuk chuk)
mera aur vikas ki (chuk chuk chuk chuk chuk chuk)
band kyu bajayi (chuk chuk chuk chuk chuk chuk)
sub chutiyo se badi hai chutiya jo aise bakwas picture banayi.
waha waha RAMGEEEEEE.

Six degrees of separation

I am sure all of you know this theory that has been around since 1929 that proposes that anyone on earth can be connected to any other person on the planet through a chain of acquaintances that has no more than four intermediaries. So basically that means that I only need to trace 4 people connecting my servant Deep to Demi Moore and I will be able to meet her. This has been proved by mathematicians in 1950 using a lot of statistical mumbo jumbo and sociologists who have spouted how humbling and noble this concept is.

I believe its all hogwash, but thats not the point. The point is, do watch the movie by the same name. The plot of the movie (starring Donal Sutherland and Will Smith) was inspired by the real-life story of David Hampton, a con man who managed to convince a number of people in the 1980s that he was the son of actor Sidney Poitier. Its a fantastic movie (you need to follow the dialogs carefully though) and brings out the incredible differences between people living next to each other in big cities - the ultra-rich surrounded by the gutter poor, and how they cope (or 'uncope') with this dangerous situation.

Try it.

Nightmares

Delhi has suddenly started giving me nightmares. All of a sudden, a hydra headed monster of infrastructural problems have raised its ugly heads. There is no water and no power. Power cuts happen at times like 11 PM, 4 AM and sleep has become a struggle (coincidentally, i am reading King's Insomnia now). And after tossing around at night, you can imagine my mood when I come to work. Had a fight in office just yesterday, and I am sure this will be one of many more to come. I think I will have a heart to heart with my boss soon. Dont think I will be able to survive this for long.

Amidst all this, can you imagine what nightmare I had last night? Vinod Kambli has been recalled, and that too as an opener. There is a huge debate in the media, and a disgusted Sourav has announced his retirement. I mean seriously guys, isn't there a limit as to what extent this game dominates our minds?

Comfortably numb

"The child is grown,
The dream is gone.
I have become comfortably numb."

- Roger Waters

For the past 2 years I have worked as an island. Office is a place I somehow survive for 8 (sometimes less) hours a day. I dont interact with anyone, shun attempts by people to strike up friendships, work only to meet targets and nothing beyond. For the last 2 years, I dont know the names of any of my colleagues who sit around my cubicle.

The last 2 years has also seen the biggest growth in my career.

I am totally confused.

Munich - a review

Watched Spielberg's Munich yesterday. It was a landmark event of my life as I have redefined my career path after watching the movie. Here's what I will do:

1) Become a CIA agent
2) Go undercover in the middle east - Operation Brown Mongoose (to kill Osama)
3) There will be 73 million dollars deposited in a numbered account in Banque Nationale de Suisse for operational expenses.
4) I will take out the money, come to India and invest in MF, blue chip equities and real estate.
5) I will return to Dubai (didnt I say middle east before) and stay undercover for a year
6) When the 73 becomes 125 million dollars I will return to India and cash in.
7) I will go back to Virginia and tell the CIA ops head that I was unsuccessful and return 81.76 million dollars (principal plus 12% interest).
8) I will come back to india and invest 41.24 million dollars in MF, blue chip equities and real estate.
9) I will buy a maruti swift and a pair of Police sunglasses.
10)I will then retire and concentrate full time on my blog.

If you see any snags guys please point them out to me. I am serious!

An amazing song

It seems like yesterday
But it was long ago
Janey was lovely, she was the queen of my nights
There in the darkness with the radio playlng low
And the secrets that we shared
The mountains that we moved
Caught like a wildfire out of control
Till there was nothing left to burn and nothing left to prove

And I remember what she said to me
How she swore that it never would end
I remember how she held me oh so tight
Wish I didn’t know now what I didn’t know then

Against the wind
We were runnin’ against the wind
We were young and strong, we were runnin’
Against the wind

And the years rolled slowly past
And I found myself alone
Surrounded bv stranners I thought were my friends
I found myself further and further from my home
And I guess I lost my way
There were oh so many roads
I was living to run and running to live
Never worried about paying or even how much I owed
Moving eight miles a minute for months at a time
Breaking all of the rules that would bend
I began to find myself searchin’
Searching for shelter again and again
Against the wind
A little something against the wind
I found myself seeking shelter against the wind

Well those drifters days are past me now
I’ve got so much more to think about
Deadlines and commitments
What to leave in, what to leave out

Against the wind
I’m still runnin’ against the wind
Well I’m older now and still
Against the wind

The amazing world of spam

Nowadays I diligently go through my spam mails before deleting them. There is a world of entertainment hidden there. Here are the top 5:

1) Very common are the ones with the plight of a terminally ill child who is paid 12 cents by the service provider for every person you forward the mail to.

2) Congrutaltions! You have 2.75 million dollars jackpot in the Online Lotto draw! Just open an account with us with a minimum deposit and we will transfer the winnings to you.

3) This one i got today. Its great news! Some solicitor has traced my name as the sole beneficiary of an estate worth 5.3 million dollars belonging to a man who has died hierless and without a will. This diligent bugger has traced me based on my last name and is willing to file a claim for me in return of 40% of the amount.

4) Natasha is looking for you! Along with 2347789 beautiful females!! Only at bharatmatrimonials.com

5) But the winner is Penis Enlargement Pills. Herbal, no side effect, gauranteed increase upto 4 inches. YIPEEE!!!

A north indian wedding

Actually it was a pre-wedding cocktail party. Went there expecting a stag affair where everyone gets roaring drunk and a couple of fights break out. Turned out to be a family affair with plenty of women and children. What I loved was this punjabi culture of dancing. There was a strobe lit dance floor which was filled to capacity. For women whose husbands were too busy drinking, they were quite happy to take on 12 year old partners. And the best part came when the grooms parents came on the stage on popular demand. Uncle and aunty danced to 'Ae mere zohra zabin' and it was wonderful. I wish I had seen my parents dance to a romantic number. Will agree to marry once more just to see that.

As usual, I was right

Remember this post and Loky's optimism? I had given him 3 months before he changed his mind. It, in fact. took him 3 weeks. Here's what he said yesterday:

1) He is sick of Kannadis
2) He is sick of the infrastructure issues
3) He is sick of the inefficiency of the people around him
4) He wants to go to some onsite project soon.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! MERA BHARAT MAHAAN!!!

Rantings and ravings (censored)

Statutory warning: Explicit language. Skip reading if you are too cultured

Bangalore is shut down because Rajkumar died. People have burned vehicles, blocked roads and closed markets. The so called silicon city of India, hub of the new face of india, home to the most 'happening' population of India. Tum sab kannadio ki !!&&**%. When I was in blore, there was a 7 day riot because Rajnikaant had come and during a speech, someone from the crowd abused him. This started a riot between !!&&**% Kannadis and !!&&**% Tambis that shut down the city. What the !!&&**% is the problem with these rasam guzzling !!&&**%? And the media! If this had happened in Kolkata, the channels and papers would have been full of how bandhs have ruined Bengal. When it comes to Bangalore, its 'genuine and spontenous outpouring of grief'.

Sehwag said 'Ganguly is history'. !!&&**% doesnt remember those days when Ganguly voluntarily broke up the most successful opening partnership (between him and Sachin) so Sehwag can open. !!&&**% does not even have the performance platform from which people like Dravid can dare to speak from.

Salman's lawyer has said killing a black buck is equivalent to killing cows, pigs, goats, fishes and chicken for eating. I am sure he will get a lot of support from the !!&&**% cow belt and from that !!&&**% Maneka. In India, the concept of animal protection is ludricious. So we have wild elephants destroying crops and forcing people to starve and people multiplying more than rabbits and eating up all forests. Maneka pass a one family one child law first u !!&&**%.

US has sounded a warning to Brazil to control deforestation in Brazil. Those !!&&**% are the biggest consumers of power. Cities are lit up 24 !!&&**% hours a day, heaters are on 12 months a year, they have started screwing up the Antartic for oil exploration digs and they dare lecture others.

Vivek is taking his wife to Vaishnodevi. Saale ko bola upar pohuchke ek friendly push de dena, saala gussa ho gaya. Take decisions and become pro-active, else stop cribbing.

Buss.

Another firang rape?

Was sitting in a bar in CP last sunday. It was a typical 'theka' kind of place and was filled up by typical middle class regular drinkers. And in a corner there was this beautiful Japanese (i think) girl sitting alone with a bottle of beer. Everybody's eyes, minds and other things were focussed on this girl. Next to the girl there were 3 young guys who were trying to work up courage to start exploring options. As expected they could not come up with the guts, but unexpectedly it was the girl who struck up conversation with these guys. Things progressed from talking, toasting, offering cigarettes, offering beer, taking snaps, taking closer snaps, hand-accidently-brushing-tits moves, hands-casually-resting-on-thighs moves to requesting the girl to take turns with each of them for 'friendly' photographs. Everyone else in the bar was mentally cursing these guys for their incredible luck, rueing their own table selection fate and asking god what they had done in their past lives to deserve this. I was thinking whether I will be reading tomorrow's paper about another rape in a car. But then these arseholes screwed up. They got so excited that one of them made a call and in about 5 minutes in walked 3 of their friends. The ones that came in were total taporis, answering perfectly to the 'jeans jacket-love locket- comb in back pocket' category of delhiites. They all crowded at the same table and the ratio now read 6-1. Some warning bells went off in the girl's head and she excused herself, got up, paid the bill and beat it. Everyone cheered (mentally) and smiles and conversations started all around the bar. The 6 sat there scratching their heads and wondering what went wrong. What arseholes!!

Judiciary going overhead

Saw a banner in Chandni Chowk yesterday. It read:

'Haseena marti hai to sarkar hilti hai,
Gareeb vyapari marta hai to sarkar kyu soti hai?'

The reference was to the hype over the Jessica Laal case and the recent High Court decision to demolish all shops in residential areas in Delhi. The demolition issue has 3 aspects to it:

1) Why was permission given to construct shops in residental areas in the first place? Who will catch the MCD and court officials who had been bribed to allow this to happen in the first place?

2) The court has ruled that Chandni Chowk is a residential area. Its a bloody 200 year old market! From the very first city plan it had been designated as a commercial area. Now one judge's ruling has changed all that.

3) The traders have also said that they are willing to relocate if they are provided land elsewhere. Their point is when u demolish slums u relocate beggars and squatters, whereas we have paid for these establishments.

I agree with the traders here. The court has suddenly started taking on a totalitarian role. There have been other excesses by the court in the near past. I am no fan of Salman, but 5 years for killing a deer?? Isnt that a bit too much to swallow?

World Test Playing 11

Toughest post till date..comments please.

1. sunny
2. greenidge
3. lara
4. richards
5. sachin
6. dujon
7. roberts
8. holding
9. warne
10. imran
11. lilee

It happens only in America

True story (courtesy Suro)

A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against fire among other things. Within a month having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed a
claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the
cigars were lost "in a series of small fires."

The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason: that the
man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The lawyer sued .. and won!

In delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that
the claim was frivolous. The Judge stated, nevertheless, that the lawyer
held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars
were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire,
without defining what is considered to be unacceptable fire, and was
obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal
process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the rare cigars lost in the "fires."

NOW FOR THE BEST PART...

After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!!

With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being
used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his
insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000
fine.

Is this cricket?

Munia was disgusted with me for not being happy with India's victory today. My point that it was not good cricket, England being without 7 members of their ashes team, did not wash water with her. The truth is that I dont consider this to be an Indian team bcos this is not the best 11 we have. Adding to that Chappel's arrogance, More's blatant high-handedness and Dravid's shameless spinelessness....no, there's no support for this team from within me. I do like it when youngsters like Sreeshant or Raina come good..but support for the team? NO WAY! How do you guys feel?

Koi Mil Gaya

Watched it for the 23rd time last weekend when I went to Bombay. Although the last 22 times have been at Riju's request (demand?) I have enjoyed each and every viewing. And its not just because of the great acting (Hrithik was brilliant), or the marvelous cinematography or choreography or script. Its watching the movie with kids that does it for me every time. Its a movie that not only makes a kid have a rolloicking time but also makes him think things out. It feels great to give a high five to my son when hrithik smartens up and tells the computer teacher 'aadmi computer ko banaya, computer ne aadmi ko nehi banaya. kisiko chota dikhane se pehle yaad rakhenge sir ki har chota ekdin bada hota hai'. Or to applaud and cheer wildly along with all the kids when hrithik manages to come with a fantastic dance step after trying and failing thrice.

And about making a child think, here is last saturday's conversation with my son:

Self: Achcha ayush tell me..this jaadoo becomes weak when there is no sun, so why doesn't he store his power in the day time?

Ayush: Like you charge your mobile and use it?

Self: Yeah?

Ayush: The sun is like fire and the moon is like a sea. When you pour water on a fire what happens?

Self: It goes out.

Ayush: Same. All powers of Jadoo goes out when the moon comes out.

Amazing or not?

Sorry

Made a committed effort to give England a winning start to the one day series. Went to Kotla early in the morning, wore the shirt I was wearing on the last day of the Wankhede test, took vikas along with me. We did the best we could, bundled out India for 203 and then created a great partnership between Pieterson and Freddy..but just when we started to relax the English guys gave it away.

Tomorrow also I will not be able to do much as I will be going to Mumbai to see Ayush's concert. The entire load now rests on Vikas's tiny shoulders. God give him strength!

A test for my cynicism

Last weekend we went to Punjab for a long weekend. There were seven and half of us - me, my parents, uncle, aunt, vikas, meetu and sanika. Left here on friday afternoon, stayed the night at Vikas's didi's house in Jalandhar, went to Amritsar and Wagah border the next day, stayed again in Jalandhar on Saturday night and then started for delhi on Sunday afternoon, reaching at 12 in the night.

It was a good trip and I was really impressed with Punjab. One cant help but admire their capacity for hard work and their enterpreneurship as well as for their verve in life. Punjabi philosophy is 'earn 10, spend 100, then plan on earning 1000, spend 10000' and so on. Yes..they are flashy, showy, shallow and sometimes overtly aggressive and interfering. But they are also genuinely friendly, straightforward and helpful.

My feelings of appreciation and hope were further enhanced on visiting the Golden Temple. It was wonderfully maintained, spotlessly clean, devoid of any religious 'middle men', devotees looked as if they had come because of some inner urge, not at the orders of some dictatorial relative or to wheedle a favor before a business deal or medical operation. I started wondering..'will this be my first positive post on my blog'? When all of a sudden...

People started running in huge numbers to a particular corner of the temple compound. Kids were brushed aside, old ladies shoved and the granth sahib was left to the dogs. IT WAS SALMAN KHAN!! With his brother and other family, come to match the collective strenghts of the 10 gurus against the Rajasthan High Court. Girls were screaming, jumping up and down, guys were surging towards the front to catch a glimpse of their God and it was chaos. I was relieved. Ultimately, my cynicism triumphed.

But wait!! There's still Didi (vikas's elder sister). She is the Principal of Cambridge School in Jalandhar. The school has to be seen to be believed. And Didi says she has been able to implement only 50% of her ideas. I beleive that when she has her own school it will be the best in India. That apart, she is a fantastic person. My parents and uncles were blown away by her hospitality and friendliness. I have known her about 9 years now, and I can never remember a time when she wasn't positive, optimistic and full of laughter.

My cynicism takes a beating when it comes to people like didi. But i will make it up somewhere else.

Another short story

Every one heaved a sigh of relief when Air Force One taxied to a stop at the Andrews tarmac. It had been a nerve-wracking month. The first visit by the Prez in war-torn Iraq, a President committed to creating history, driven by a genuine urge to do something worthwhile for global peace, an entire world holding their collective breaths, walking on a razor edge where even the tiniest incident could trigger cataclysmic consequences.

No one knew it better than Special Agent Scanlon, in charge of the president’s security detail. ‘The devil is always in details’, was what he swore by, and the security measures taken for the past month were close to ridiculous. Daily life was totally disrupted for 15 days in an already chaotic Baghdad, and the public grumblings had started to become menacingly violent. Iraq’s capital was virtually turned into a fortress with security forces taking up positions at vantage points and American helicopters hovered constantly over the route the presidential convoy was to wind its way from the airport to the meeting venue. The entire neighborhood surrounding the meeting venue had been cordoned off and residents forcefully evacuated to temporary shelters.
Human rights organizations had pitched in, calling for protection of the basic rights of the Iraqi people and there were growing support for these voices within the Senate itself.

‘Yes, it had been tough in the end’, Scanlon thought. But now, as the president’s envoy entered the White house gate amid thousands of screaming, flag waving loyalists, he thought he would receive some accolades as to how he had handled the toughest security detail in the history of mankind.

‘Great job Scanlon’, the Man said, giving the crowds a final wave before going inside. ‘Maybe you should take a month off and be with the wife’.

‘Yes sir, you should also retire for the night sir. Its been a long week sir’.

‘ I think I will do just that. Thanks again and good night’.

As he entered the bedroom the President thought about what he has achieved. It was the crowning achievement of an illustrious life and he was perhaps the proudest man in the world at that moment. Looking at the sleeping First Lady he thought ‘if I can achieve what I did this week, perhaps I can even make my marriage work’. He reached for her and she turned away, just like it had been for the last 5 years of their marriage. ‘Not now Bill. Good night’.

‘Some things never change’, he thought with a rueful shake of his head and shut his eyes. ‘Iran is the next problem and I just have to find a way’, were his last coherent thought as sleep started to envelop him in her soothing grasp.

A pale hand holding a sharpened Black Berol Beauty pencil streaked down through the dark and plunged itself down his throat. And the last thing he heard choking on his blood was his wife whisper, ‘that’s for Monica you bastard’.

Last drunken thoughts of my life

That's because from today I am quitting drinking for 3 months, and after that resume as a social drinker. So, no more of sending SMS-es to myself at 11 PM to remind myself about what to write about in the blog the morning after..taaliyan, taaliyan..

Here goes:

SHIT!! last nite's messages got deleted..damn it!

Kolkata Food Guide (SLURP!!!)

Must haves next time you are there

Kabiraji Cutlet from Regent (S N Banerjee Road)
Moghlai Parota from Anadi Cabin (S N Banerjee Road)
Kosha Mangsho from Golbari (Shyambazar)
Phulkopir Singara from Mrityunjoy (Lansdowne)
Double Egg Chicken Roll from Kusum / Park Steet)(Campari @ Gariahat & Nizam is a close contender!)
Chicken Rezala from Shabbir (off C R Avenue)
Steak at Oly pub (with old monk!!)
Ujjala's Chanachur ( no comparison anywhere)
Telebhaja from Putiram (College Street)
Daab Chigri from Kewpies (Elgin Lane)
Chicken Cutlet from Baked & Fried/Mukherjee Sweets (Ballygunge Place)
Bijoli Grill's Fish Roll
Mochar Chop Dhoka from Apanjan (Sadananda Road)
Boudir's Lebu Cha (Deshapriya Park)
Kochuri & Tarkari from Tasty Corner (Mandeville Gardens)
Phuchka/Churmur/ Dahi Phuchka from Bilas or Boudi (Southern Avenue)
Chicken Cutlet near Samur (Bhowanipur)
Mishti Doi & Rosogolla from Mithai (Beckbagan)
Sandesh (all types) from Balaram (Bhowanipur) (Naram pak & Ice cream sandesh)
Pantua from Bancharam
Indrani from Ganguram
Rabri from Chittaranhan
Darbesh from Sen Mahasay
Amriti from Bhim Nag/Ganguram, Maniktala (Jalebis are no match)
Skyroom's Prawn Cocktail & Mixed Grill & Baked
Alaska or Blue Fox's Lobster Thermidor -
Mandarin Fish from Waldorf
Chello Kabab from Peter Cat
Chicken balls from Tyangra

Last night's drunken thoughts

"Its a hell of a thing killing a man"

Watched 'Unforgiven' again. What a movie! Clint Eastwood, Morgan Freeman and Gene Hackman together..need I say more? For those of you martians who havent seen it, go and buy the the DVD right now.

Dev Benegal

Director of Split Wide Open and English August, this guy is now making a movie on Ramanujan. Who said Indian cinema is all about Bollywood?

Garden Shot

CNN featured a 'breaking news' (hate this term..my son once asked me why news is always breaking on tv) about a old man who was arrested for shooting a teenage tresspasser on his garden. While he was being portrayed as a nazi fanatic, my thoughts were has anyone bothered to know if he was being persecuted by the neighborhood kids? Having seen the gora teenage brats first hand, I have seen how they treat elderly and lonely people. Wish my father had a gun.

Rajdeep Sardesai

I would like to meet that arsehole outside his studio. Inside, the fucker gets away with anything. He doesn't let anyone speak, cuts off people midway and when in trouble resorts to a commercial break. Did you know that even the so called 'live' talk shows are edited prior to screening? That's why these dickheads always emerge as the winners in any debate. Kabhi milna saale koi andhere gully main..

Detox

The last 5 years of drinking without a break has finally taken a toll. Liver test has shown some pretty bad results. Decided to resort to medication to quit alcohol. Soumyadeep (my school pal and consultant physician) gave me a routine that scared the shit out of me. It seems that the withdrawal symptoms are so severe that one has to be kept under tranquilisers for 5 days till the effect wears off. The medication to reduce the urge starts after that. There go my good intentions straight out of the window. Cheers.

Things to appreciate about a wife

Odes to a wife (any wife..)

Classic rock is 'classic' not just because of the music but because of the incredible lyrics. No other musical genre has captured the angst of our confused generation better than these guys. So forget those long hairs, drug busts and sexual orgies - these guys were the true philosophers of the previous century.

Here are few samples on the greatest lines on relationships (mostly bad - my fav topic of course)..if u like them i can start on other topics.

'You may be right
I may be crazy
But it just may be a lunatic you're looking for
It's too late to fight
It's too late to change me
You may be wrong for all I know
But you may be right'

Billy Joel (rest of the song)

'I don't care if you never come home
I don't mind if you just
Keep on rowin'away on a distant sea
Cuz I don't love you and you don't love me'

Clapton (rest of the song)

'You analyze me, tend to despise me
You laugh when I stumble and fall
There may come a day when I’ll dance on your grave
Unable to dance I’ll still crawl across it
You must really consider the circus
It just might be your kind of zoo
I can’t think of a place that’s more perfect
For a person as perfect as you'

Dead (rest of the song)

'Hey hey, what can I do
I got a woman, she won't be true
Lord, hear what I say
I got a woman wanna ball all day'

Led Zepp (rest of the song)

'My, oh my, you sure know how to arrange things
You set it up so well, so carefully
Ain't it funny how your new life didn't change things
You're still the same old girl you used to be'

Eagles (rest of the song)

Want more??

I wish

I wish that I was in Jo'berg yesterday night
I wish that our captain was like this
I wish that I could write like this
I wish that I was not born in this bloody country

A day with Swaminarayan

No..he is not my golf coach or tennis partner. He, in fact, was a 18th century saint, whose temple we visited this weekend. The place is Akshardham, in Delhi and its a must see for whoever visits Delhi.

The 'story' of Swaminaryan is a riveting one. Born to a poor brahmin family in the 1700's, he got bored of performing small time miracles and left home at the age of 12. From Ayodhya he started a trek that took him 7 yrs - going north towards the upper reaches of the himalayas in the month of october (wearing a small dhoti), crossing mount trishul, manosarovar, then down to nepal , assam, sunderbans, orrissa, down the east coast to madurai, kannyakumari, up the west coast thru maharashtra finally ending in gujrat.

Its a great story..and if you are interested you can look here for the rest..but obviously i dont believe 80% of it. But..thats not the point.

The point is that the temple in Delhi is a magnificient achievement. If you visited the link above you will see why. Its fantastically done up and beautifully maintained and the best thing is that they have managed to create a theme park revolving around religion. They havent commercialised it, but at the same time they have managed to package it in such a way that it can rivet any person of any class, age or religious inclination.

And the best part is along with the greatness of swaminarayan, the place tries to remind you about the greatness of the indian past, starting from the vedic ages to the mid 16th century, and tries to make you feel proud of your heritage. Quite inspiring really. Next time you are here, check it out.

Emptiness

emptiness - yawning, screaming void
swallows you
embraces you
soothes you
till it becomes your only friend
relief..and peace..forever

emptiness - rely on him
never changes, shocks, disappoints
always there, waiting, confident that you would come
dive into its black hole
oblivion..and peace..forever

emptiness - each day the same
numbing, drugging sameness
dragging, clawing, sliding, hurtling
one end, one ending
death..and peace forever

Bloggers, Narcissists and Insurance Salesmen

A friend of mine was an insurance salesman. He was sick of his job because it comprised of wheedling appointments out of friends, acquaintances and relatives, going to their homes on a Sunday morning, narrating stories of how someone he knew died of a heart attack at the prime of life and left his widow and teenage son helpless in this big bad world, followed up by ‘uncle I hope you wont make the same mistake; here’s a policy just perfect for you, blah blah blah..’.

While I always knew I would never have the caliber to become a salesman of this level, I thought post engineering that some kind of ‘technical’ selling could be my forte, considering my so called ‘soft skills’. That misconception was shattered after I joined GE and failed miserably trying to make high tech sales of high end diagnostic medical equipments. I became totally confident that as a salesman I would not even meet my targets selling chilled beer in the middle of the Sahara.

But…my post-blogging days have transformed me. Here are some samples of my typical conversations with friends:

X: Aur beta kya kar raha hai?
Self: Chal raha hai yaar. Blog likh raha tha.
X: Blog? U ka hai?
Self: Arey bataya nehi? Dekh le. Its http://www.absolutelynothingisavailable.blogspot.com/

Y: Did you see Rang de basanti?
Self: Saale blog me itna halla hua dekha nehi? Dekh aur comment likh. http://www.absolutelynothingisavailable.blogspot.com/

Z: Bad news man! Raj’s father passed away.
Self: Shit man! He was a great guy yaar! I need to write a condolence message on my blog. Maybe if he reads it he can find some consolation. Its http://www.absolutelynothingisavailable.blogspot.com/

A: Boss what about that doc you were supposed to send me?
Self: Gimme 2 minutes.
A: OK thanks.
Self: Check out the Amazing fact of the day. Its http://www.absolutelynothingisavailable.blogspot.com/

B: Did you get my mail? I am in serious shit with my girlfriend man!
Self: Get it? I posted it dude. It was too good to resist!! Its http://www.absolutelynothingisavailable.blogspot.com/.
B: Shit!

And so on and so forth. I am pretty disgusted guys. I was always someone who never took myself seriously. And now I refresh the bloody blog 40 times each day to see if someone has posted a comment or if some reviewer has ‘discovered’ me. When there are no comments (usually there aren’t, except for those of my brother Loky) , I read through old posts.

When I finally realized that blogging has made me more shameless than an insurance salesman and more self obsessed than any narcissist, I was pretty disgusted. The first thing I did was to remove the pic from the site. Second, I have vowed never to remind anyone to read my blog.

Relieved everyone?

A short story

The bone of contention among the Kumars had always been money. They were reasonably happy (if reason is a term one can use in conjunction with anything to do with marriage) and the birth of their daughter had brought them together to a common daughter-devotion-fan-club platform. But they had yet to work out a method when they will not go for each other’s throats the minute finance raised its persistent head in any conversation.

As financial behavior went, they had always been poles apart. While Naveen was irresponsibly open handed, Neetu was as tight fisted as any champion heavyweight. Naveen lived life for the present, while all Neetu thought about was the rainy day. Things were manageable during courtship, primarily because Neetu had no idea about the exact state of Naveen’s finances. But post marriage every discussion ended in the same way.

‘I don’t want to discuss this with someone who does not have the ability to support his family’.

‘If you want support then behave like a housewife and keep your trap shut’, would be Naveen’s standard reply. ‘You so called modern women make me sick. You people have your careers that come before anything else. Remember that your home is a job also. You guys invest your salaries while the husband buys the vegetables’.

‘Yes. At least that way you don’t spend your entire salary on alcohol’, would be Neetu’s discussion closer, before slamming the bedroom door.

Yesterday had been especially bad and Naveen was regretting some of the things he had told Neetu. While taking his shower in the morning he suddenly remembered their early days – the bike rides, the rain soaked lazy afternoons, the movie theatre neckings, the weekend stayovers. There were a lot of things that were good about his wife. Some of his friends’ wives he saw, he was thankful for his marriage. ‘I would make a fresh start’, he resolved. ‘I can make this work. From today……’

His thoughts were broken off by a knock on the bathroom door. ‘The milkman is here. Give him 750’, his wife said.

Music Television

Rock purists say MTV killed classic rock. The early 80-s saw the rise of music videos and with it, hair bands, disco and pop. The last rites were performed in the 90-s with rap and boy bands.

In our very own India the bug has caught on. Yesterday I saw the hideous Asha moving her body to a remixed RD song. It was painful to watch that face pouting lips, looking 'naughty', trying to be playful and sexy. Trying to match Asha and Lata's faces with their voices is as complex an exercise as keeping a woman happy. In the good old days one had the best of both worlds. One can watch a Mumtaz or a Saira Banu on screen and hear the nightingle sing. Not anymore. If you have to watch Asha Bhosle calling you with the words 'Piya tu ab to aa ja', or Lata asking you to 'Baahon me chale aao'....shudder shudder shudder.....

Jessica Lal verdict

What did you expect anyway? In our fucked up country, with the most fucked up constitution and judiciary, did the result come as any surprise? The only way we can clean up our act is to change the arcane judicial system. Circumstantial evidence must be considered for these cases, because eyewitnesses wont (cant) come forward. If I was an eyewitness and Pappu Yadav kidnapped my son and sent me his little finger in the mail, I will NOT give evidence. Its as simple as that. Even if there exists a system like the Witness Protection Program, I would not do it. I would not uproot my life and my son's life for someone else. The only way is if the law changes. Eye witness evidence must take a back seat. Truth serums must be legalised to grill suspects. There could be a 100 things that could be done. True, some innocent people will be wrongly convicted. But the theory that 'even if a 100 culprits go scott free, even 1 innocent should not be wrongly punished' does not hold water any longer. Some innocents will be punished wrongly. Tough luck. That does not mean that these bastards will get away with what they choose.

The only problem is..who will change the system? The people who are responsible for changing the laws will never do something that will screw them. So is the ending of RDB the only way out?

Fingers crossed

Today is judgement day for Vikas. Its his first job interview. That too for a position of Country Head in a big company as Pinnacle! Boy, I wish he gets it. Then its a drink-and-puke evening today. Go for it Vikas!!!!

RDB - 2 viewpoints

Vivek and Koushik loved the movie, Vikas said the second half was ridiculous. Sagarika Ghosh (CNN IBN) thinks its dangerous. I havent seen the movie, but from what Vikas told me, I tend to agree with her. It increasingly seems to me that in India we are rapidly losing our shades if grey. Everything is portrayed in black or white. So the first half is one extreme and the second half is the other. In the first half, do you identify with this Amir more than the Amir in Dil Chahta Hai? And is it possible to identify with anyone in the second half? What kind of society will ours become if the vendetta raaj takes over? A friend of mine gets drunk and dies in a road accident so 4 of my friends get together and murder Vijay Mallya and Bajaj? Is that the message of this movie?

And I would agree to one more thing that Sagarika wrote. The fact that this movie is such a big hit scares the shit out of me.

Inzy bhai

Aloo is too damn sweet man! He is one of the first Paki cricketers I started genuinely liking. Growing up watching Miandad, Malik, Sohail, Moin, Aaqib and Saqlain, I had developed this hatred for the men in green. Watching those Sharjah matches, listening to their animalistic screams when they got our wickets and the constant tension watching the one day encounters were nightmarish stuff. Things have changed over the last year or so. Now watching the Pakis play one doesnt get the impression that its jehad. They have become more relaxed and fair on the field, and youngsters like Malik, Butt, Asif and Kamran and really likeable.

But Inzy is the best. Not just his game. He is a sportsman, on and off the field. Never gets into controversies, never goes overboard in his actions and comments and is always modest and full of humility. But the greatest thing about him are his post match interviews. They are hilarious. "Salam Walequm, bismillah, ek rahman ek rahim. First of all I want to say thanks to allah..". This is the starting irrespective of the result. Followed by a series of 'is is is is''.

Next time he is on check it out.

Our heroes

Imran and Inzy have opened hospitals. Our heroes, Saurav and Sachin, have earned at least 500 times these guys and have opened restaurants. Something to ponder about?

Valentine Day's Programme

I love golf so I am headed to the course for a round. Tell me your plans guys.

Dho Daala!!

No. I am not talking about Dhoni. Uska to pata hi tha (and let vikas confirm that I have been talking about dhoni for the past 2.5 years, if we was playing I would watch duleep, challenger, ranji anything...much before the so-called experts in the media were talking about Patel's innocent looks). I am talking about Prez Musharaff's speech at the end of the match. I can wager my last chaddi that there is not a single politician in india who has the callibre to make a speech like that on the fly. Not only that. If you see how he has handled Bush since the Afghan war you will understand what a fantastic politician he is. He harbours terrorists and gets money from the US to beef up his anti-terrorist cell, he keeps the hardline islamic fundamentalists at bay, he warns the US government when they accidentally kill civilians in a taliban strike (and the US keeps mum), he does exactly as he pleases while our politicians huff and puff in UN councils and go around the world trying to get support to label Pakistan as a terrorist nation.

Hats off to you Sir. Wish we had someone like you in charge here.

Bollywood Extras

Yes BOLLYWOOD Mr Bacchan. Recently AB has taken to correcting anyone who mentions the term by saying 'please dont use that word. say the Bombay film industry. we have our own identity'. So its ok so steal blindly from them but not to be named after them eh? Nowadays they dont even bother changing the name of the movie. Yesterday I saw the copy of Fight Club (Brad Pitt) released with the same name. On his Oscar acceptance speech Satyajit Ray had said that this was a dream come true as Hollywood was his inspiration for becoming a filmmaker. So 'Big' B, if its good enough for Ray, its good enough for me and you can shove your opinions up where the sun doesn't shine.

Anyway. I was watching an bollywood award show yesterday on TV. The women have become more beautiful, production has become sleek, comperes have improved - everyone seems to have improved except the extras who dance behind the stars. I had once stayed at a PG acco in Bandra where everyone except me was 'struggling'. There was a playback singer who had sung one jingle in 3 years, 2 actors who had worked in 2 serials in DD, 2 models who had done nothing and a senior actor who had done bit roles in 3-4 movies but was out of work for 4 years. It was an amazing world. To see these guys struggle for that elusive dream for years on end, going from door to door, getting kicked out every studio, generally being treated like shit but never losing that hope, waiting for that ONE break that will change their lives. Girls with loose morals at least have the casting couch, these guys have nothing. And just when things look hopeless and they decide enough is enough, someone they know gets a break and they start afresh.

One of the models in that flat was Sayan Munshi. He has made it and it took him 6 years. The others have sank without a trace. Maybe the only thing left in their lives is the fact that they had struggled alongside Sayan.

The 'Baraati' Problem

Raju Srivastava (The Great Indian Laughter Champions) did a great one on baraatis. How they misbehave and what the girl's family has to go through. Brought back memories of 2 instances I had seen.

The first was in Mohuadi's wedding (our family friends for the last 45 odd years). Shanuda's folks had come from Asansol and were slightly late. In our weddings, generally the first dinner batch is for elderly people or for people who have to travel long distances. Someone told Mashi that these guys have come shouldn't we sit them first? She replied that they are late, let them wait. This was overheard by one of them who promptly squealed to Shanuda's dad who huffed and puffed and started a walk out. We were flabbergasted. Requests by a couple of uncles fell on deaf ears and it seemed that a lot of dinner will be wasted. Lu uncle came to the rescue. He prostrated himself on the father's feet and asked for forgiveness and the latter regally forgave us. After everything was over, a very emotional Jethu (mohuadi's dad) thanked Lu uncle for what he had done. Lu uncle shrugged and this was no big deal, it happens in every marriage in the south.

The second one was Munia's (Sr) wedding. That was the time of Sooraj Barjatiya and people in Kolkata were learning about stealing shoes and 'cher-charing' saalis. One 15-16 yr old kid started hanky panky with one of my cousins. I caught him by the ear and asked him what's going on. He rushed off to tell his father, probably thinking gleefully that he will be able to start a major fight or hoohah, ala bollywood. Imagine his frustration when his father came and asked me what the matter was and on learning the truth gave him an earful!!

The maximum baraati problem I have heard of in Bengali weddings is people acting smart at the dinner table. They will pile up food they wont eat, they will throw rasgullas in the dust and ask for more and crap like that. But this god like status is never given to them. That's something to be proud of, isn't it?

A first in the Indian TV industry

I may be wrong about this but yesterday I saw a show that was perhaps the first original idea in the Indian television industry. It was a show called Brand-e in the newly launched Times channel. Its an ad show, in which there is a segment called Flashback. Yesterday it featured the Bajaj bulb ad of 85 (jab main chota bachcha tha, badi shararat karta tha). Talked about what an impact it made, showed sound bytes of people across age, sex and socio-eco status who remember the jingle word to word and best of all traced what each of the models are doing what now. Good trip down memory lane.

Think you are smart?

I thought so too. Before I went here and sweated through this simple test. Found out that my bloody IQ is only 135, about 65 less than what I used to think it must be. Try it out and let me know your scores. It might cheer me up a little bit.

Finally some sense?

There have been many occasions when people have done something significant after getting the idea from a book or a movie. 9/11 was one such example. I am now reading Tom Clancy's 'Sum of all fears' where he has given a new twist to the Israely-Arab conflict. A Palestinian protestor, inspired by Gandhi and King, convinces the leaders that passive resistance is the best way. An Israely police captain, unused to such tactics loses his head and orders his men to shoot rubber bullets into the crowd in which a man dies. A CNN correspondent covering the event comments 'Finally the bastards have smartened up'..The entire world sides with the Palestinians for the first time and Israel lose their moral ground (their only ground in this conflict IMHO). That's as far as I have gotten to.

Anyway, this looks like something like that. This is the first time these guys have done and said something sensible. Its high time the west came down from its high moral ground and practised what they preached. I would really like to see leading western papers extolling the virtues of 'freedom of speech' publish cartoons about the holocaust and Vietnam. How about some research into who screwed Virgin Mary? Or maybe about Amercian Indians living in conservations, about what happened to Blacks after Katrina (no I wont say 'African Americans' because I dont believe that calling someone 'Black' is derogatory in the first place). How about some screamingly funny ones about Hiroshima?

Priceless!

Enough is still not enough?

There was a line in a bengali song that went 'I grow up but I dont grow'. That describes the muslim religion. How long will this go on?

Unsung Heroes

Did you know that this guy is your countryman?

Continuing on the vein of the 'Baggages' post, we are a nation obsessed with the handful of superstars that we have produced whereas there are people like these whom nobody knows about.

Thank god i dont have any special achievements to my credit. I would died of frustration at the lack of respect and recognition.

25!!!

Never thought i will achieve this incredible milestone! I was sceptical when i started..it was tough for me to start in the first place man! But...a request to my readers..the limited readership (if i can call it that) I enjoy, i get all my comments via phone calls, messages, mails and drunken discussions. Guys..please..post your comments on the site. These are memories I will need when I am accessing my blog from a hospital 15 years from now (hopefully)...

Mera Bharat Mahaan

A debate is raging currently between me and Loky. To give you some background, he has spent the last 3 years out of India (Japan, US and Germany) and is now desperate to return to India. Vikas is on the verge of immigrating to Australia in March and Loky feels that this is a bad move on his part. I think moving out of our bloody country (to some specific countries like Australia, New Zealand, parts of Europe, Singapore, Thailand or Malaysia) is the only sensible option left. Here are some excerpts of our mature conversation:

--------------------------------------------------------------
neil_goswami: as far as i am concerned noida se adelaide is zillion times better place for sanika to grow up in
Lokendra Singh Parihar: so u guys think no indian kids should grow up in india, thats ridiculous!
Lokendra Singh Parihar: so u think confused desis are better than desis
neil_goswami: shut up u fucking NRI
neil_goswami: 2 saal bahar rehke patriot bann gaya behn ka loura
neil_goswami: 2 german kya gaand pe laath maara behnchod indian hone ka yaad aa gaya
Lokendra Singh Parihar: sach hamesha kadwa hota hai
neil_goswami: kadwa kyu hone laga? mai to hu desh me..tu aaja..fir baat karte hai
Lokendra Singh Parihar: i'm sure, i'll be happy to be in india
neil_goswami: yes..and if u r not u will convince yourself that you are
Lokendra Singh Parihar: no i'll not
--------------------------------------------------------------

Here is what he will find when he arrives in India:

1) He will carry his suitcase across the tarmac and step over overflowing shit from the toilets because AAI is striking.
2) He will be robbed blind by the taxi driver whose taxi he will take to reach home.
3) On the way he will sit a traffic snarl-up because some political party has taken out a procession protesting America’s role in Iraq.
4) Relaxing on his couch in the evening he will watch a news channel where there will be a 3 hour special about a DIG Police who has started believing that he is the reincarnation of Radha.
5) Retiring to bed he will stay up till 1 AM because the neighborhood ‘club’ is celebrating some religious festival by playing LOUD film music.
6) In the morning papers he will read that income tax sops given to salaried individuals have been withdrawn by the Finance Minister and the HRD has decreed that his son will have to learn Kannadi in school for 6 years.
7) He will go to office and do bullshit work and then find out that he has stay late in office to attend a telecom with US clients.
8) He will find that colleagues are uncooperative (and some downright hostile) because he is a ‘north-indian’.
9) On a long weekend he will take his wife to a resort only to find that he cannot venture out too much because a group of boisterous, rowdy and drunk students are making life miserable for everyone.

Come soon Loky. India is waiting for you.