Have you noticed the fact that the last 3 epidemics were caused by animals we usually slaughter and eat. And maybe they are getting back at us?
Taking this one step further, i investigated the names of swine flu victims and guess what? No Muslims there.
Research is on mad cow and chickengunia.
Will keep u posted.
PS: inspired by Steven Levitt who has made some amazing correlations just by crunching numbers.
Aug 24, 2009
Aug 11, 2009
The Shuv Equilibrium
Movie buffs and economists know of the Nash Equilibrium right? Well, here's one from me for addicts and romantics, preferably separate individuals close to each other. The Shuv Addiction Disaster Prevention Equilibrium states:
Promise to quit the addiction the day the other person gets married.
This way, the game always has ONE winner.
Dont need the Nobel, a bottle will do.
Promise to quit the addiction the day the other person gets married.
This way, the game always has ONE winner.
Dont need the Nobel, a bottle will do.
Jul 14, 2009
Quote of the day
'Airport me visibility kaisa hai deepak?'
'Bohut hi zyada low visibility hai'.
Jai ho jai ho! Indian news channels ki jai ho!!
'Bohut hi zyada low visibility hai'.
Jai ho jai ho! Indian news channels ki jai ho!!
Jul 6, 2009
A new beginning
Now that i am generally happy about my personal and professional life, its time i channelised my omnipresent cribs against somebody. Today's budget gave me enough material to start a new series on this dead blog (i am actually paying my driver these days to hit the site once in a while)..
So here goes..
From tomorrow..its 'CRIB TARGET OF THE DAY'...a lucky guy in the morning newspaper will get it from me every morning..and i will do it like taking quinine(sp?) in malaria..no creative bullshit here..just meeting the target.
SO..if u guys want to join my driver..meet me here.
Ghetu: i am open to syndication negotioations.
So here goes..
From tomorrow..its 'CRIB TARGET OF THE DAY'...a lucky guy in the morning newspaper will get it from me every morning..and i will do it like taking quinine(sp?) in malaria..no creative bullshit here..just meeting the target.
SO..if u guys want to join my driver..meet me here.
Ghetu: i am open to syndication negotioations.
Jun 10, 2009
Apr 23, 2009
Hail blogging!!
By now hopefully all of you are glued to this genius. If you are not, please start immediately. Please navigate so that you start at the beginning and then move forward.
After ages, finally here is a desi who has a killing wit combined with a vivid imagination. And he has captured the imagination of blogsphere. Combine that being the guy who has made SRFK forget to shave his white stubble before appearing on television..well i think i have become a lifelong fan.
And if you want the cynical sign off..here's the cloud behind the silver lining. A guy who has sent cricket and bollywood (yes, bollywood AB) into a frigging tizzy deserved to be rewarded hugely. But those doors are closed to this poor bloke. In order to earn money he has to divulge who he is so sponsors can pay him. If he does that he will no longer be in a position to be privy to any of the inner gossip.
Sad for him. But for us, I wish he would go on forever!!
After ages, finally here is a desi who has a killing wit combined with a vivid imagination. And he has captured the imagination of blogsphere. Combine that being the guy who has made SRFK forget to shave his white stubble before appearing on television..well i think i have become a lifelong fan.
And if you want the cynical sign off..here's the cloud behind the silver lining. A guy who has sent cricket and bollywood (yes, bollywood AB) into a frigging tizzy deserved to be rewarded hugely. But those doors are closed to this poor bloke. In order to earn money he has to divulge who he is so sponsors can pay him. If he does that he will no longer be in a position to be privy to any of the inner gossip.
Sad for him. But for us, I wish he would go on forever!!
Apr 9, 2009
A Spooky Tale
KNOCK KNOCK
Who's there?
Death.
What do you want?
What the fuck do you think? I have come to take you.
Where?
What are you? The dumbest motherfucker in the world or something? I have come for you..your time is up.
No.
What? What the fuck do you mean no? You think you have a bloody choice or something?
No..i meant i am not the dumbest motherfucker..in fact i am not a motherfucker even.
DEATH GROANS Let me try and explain this to you fuckface. You are about to have a heart attack. And that will be the end of you. Then we will go together to the Other Side.
Why?
WHAAT? Because I say so dickhead..now get the fuck up and get ready for that attack. What are you doing?
Pudin Hara..its good for acidity..just had some chest pain..must have been the vada pav i had in the evening. So what were you saying?
EVIL LAUGHTER Thats not acidity you dung brain..Prepare for the end!
Wait...LOUD BURP Aaah! That was better..Oh sorry..excuse me. You were saying?
Enough!! Its 9:15. Time up stink face. Let's go.
Lets go lets go..so much in hurry all the time..one of these days you will get a heart attack..ok baba ok..i will come where you want to take me..i know what this is..must be those hidden camera programs..but i am too smart for you. Wait!! just let me watch the news headlines for a minute. Ok?
DEATH SIGHS AND SITS DOWN. MAN TURNS ON TV AND STARTS FLIPPING THROUGH THE CHANNELS ONE BY ONE..DEATH'S FACE TAKES ON A GREENISH TINGE
No..no!! Stop that! How can you watch that? Please..for satan's sake! Please!
Huh! What happened? Some new joke? Haha.
No no no..please! I will leave! If this doesnt kill you I dont stand a chance!
Leave? Are you crazy! Just wait for the next program! It will blow you mind!
DEATH CONTINUES WATCHING AND SUDDENLY THERE IS A LOUD BANG AND HIS HEAD EXPLODES. A PUFF OF SMOKE AND HE IS GONE
Strange fellow. But good special effects. I wonder which channel it will come on.
MAN CONTINUES FLIPPING CHANNELS
Who's there?
Death.
What do you want?
What the fuck do you think? I have come to take you.
Where?
What are you? The dumbest motherfucker in the world or something? I have come for you..your time is up.
No.
What? What the fuck do you mean no? You think you have a bloody choice or something?
No..i meant i am not the dumbest motherfucker..in fact i am not a motherfucker even.
DEATH GROANS Let me try and explain this to you fuckface. You are about to have a heart attack. And that will be the end of you. Then we will go together to the Other Side.
Why?
WHAAT? Because I say so dickhead..now get the fuck up and get ready for that attack. What are you doing?
Pudin Hara..its good for acidity..just had some chest pain..must have been the vada pav i had in the evening. So what were you saying?
EVIL LAUGHTER Thats not acidity you dung brain..Prepare for the end!
Wait...LOUD BURP Aaah! That was better..Oh sorry..excuse me. You were saying?
Enough!! Its 9:15. Time up stink face. Let's go.
Lets go lets go..so much in hurry all the time..one of these days you will get a heart attack..ok baba ok..i will come where you want to take me..i know what this is..must be those hidden camera programs..but i am too smart for you. Wait!! just let me watch the news headlines for a minute. Ok?
DEATH SIGHS AND SITS DOWN. MAN TURNS ON TV AND STARTS FLIPPING THROUGH THE CHANNELS ONE BY ONE..DEATH'S FACE TAKES ON A GREENISH TINGE
No..no!! Stop that! How can you watch that? Please..for satan's sake! Please!
Huh! What happened? Some new joke? Haha.
No no no..please! I will leave! If this doesnt kill you I dont stand a chance!
Leave? Are you crazy! Just wait for the next program! It will blow you mind!
DEATH CONTINUES WATCHING AND SUDDENLY THERE IS A LOUD BANG AND HIS HEAD EXPLODES. A PUFF OF SMOKE AND HE IS GONE
Strange fellow. But good special effects. I wonder which channel it will come on.
MAN CONTINUES FLIPPING CHANNELS
Mar 26, 2009
Thoughts on piracy
You will all realise that this is prompted by today's news item that a new legislation has been approved in Maharashtra to prosecute sellers as well as buyers of pirated content. And that Mr Karan Johar has opined that the film industry is suffering huge losses due to this menace. However, please believe me when I say that this has been something I wanted to write about since I started downloading music about 10 years back.
Now, before you start hammering on your keyboards writing crap like 'stealing is stealing, whether its a car or a movie' and all such nonsense drilled into your brains by the owners of content - PLEASE! Lets leave the morality part out of this discussion. Piracy is banned by 'LAW' not by 'GOD'. A very interesting angle was presented in 'The Reader' where a lawyer argues for a Nazi camp gaurd saying that she was only following what was the law at that point in time. No Vedas say piracy is a crime. So all our Vedas and epics were copied and read out in festivals and ceremonies and none of the rishi-s and muni-s earned a single red cent out of the deal. If Mr Johar had written the Mahabharata...well that would have been a different story right?
Anyway, so leaving out the moral and legal aspect of the discussion here are a few additional laws I would like to be implemented along with the anti piracy crackdown laws:
1) Arrest all directors, producers, writers, music directors and lyricists for copying any idea or content without acknowledging and paying the source.
2) Declare all earnings and let the government do Tax Deduction at Source.
3) Mandate part of the money earned goes back into the industry. So music labels should produce x number of new artists per year, film producers should open y number of acting schools etc etc.
4) Provide money back facility to the consumer. If the viewer/listener feels that shit is being dished out, he returns the shit and gets his money back.
5) Provide breakup and pricing justification to a central board or commitee to explain why a particular DVD costs Rs 500 in some label and Rs 29 in another label after 3 months.
Into this land of freedom let my country awake.
Now, before you start hammering on your keyboards writing crap like 'stealing is stealing, whether its a car or a movie' and all such nonsense drilled into your brains by the owners of content - PLEASE! Lets leave the morality part out of this discussion. Piracy is banned by 'LAW' not by 'GOD'. A very interesting angle was presented in 'The Reader' where a lawyer argues for a Nazi camp gaurd saying that she was only following what was the law at that point in time. No Vedas say piracy is a crime. So all our Vedas and epics were copied and read out in festivals and ceremonies and none of the rishi-s and muni-s earned a single red cent out of the deal. If Mr Johar had written the Mahabharata...well that would have been a different story right?
Anyway, so leaving out the moral and legal aspect of the discussion here are a few additional laws I would like to be implemented along with the anti piracy crackdown laws:
1) Arrest all directors, producers, writers, music directors and lyricists for copying any idea or content without acknowledging and paying the source.
2) Declare all earnings and let the government do Tax Deduction at Source.
3) Mandate part of the money earned goes back into the industry. So music labels should produce x number of new artists per year, film producers should open y number of acting schools etc etc.
4) Provide money back facility to the consumer. If the viewer/listener feels that shit is being dished out, he returns the shit and gets his money back.
5) Provide breakup and pricing justification to a central board or commitee to explain why a particular DVD costs Rs 500 in some label and Rs 29 in another label after 3 months.
Into this land of freedom let my country awake.
Mar 3, 2009
Bravo Mr Ranatunga!!
Lanka Paki bhai bhai!!! Down with BCCI and down with big brother India!!!!
So when India pulls out of the Paki tour post the Mumbai incident, Mr Ranatunga steps in as the concerned brother and long suffering empathiser. The heavens open and petals shower on him and a voice assures him of an ICC position in the near future! Shame on you India!!
Well..screw you brother. I sincerely wish you were on that fucking bus in Lahore today.
And it probably also lays to rest an age old debate about whether cricket administrators should be ex cricketers or not. As Mr Gavaskar had done his share in his ICC stint, I will now rest my case.
So when India pulls out of the Paki tour post the Mumbai incident, Mr Ranatunga steps in as the concerned brother and long suffering empathiser. The heavens open and petals shower on him and a voice assures him of an ICC position in the near future! Shame on you India!!
Well..screw you brother. I sincerely wish you were on that fucking bus in Lahore today.
And it probably also lays to rest an age old debate about whether cricket administrators should be ex cricketers or not. As Mr Gavaskar had done his share in his ICC stint, I will now rest my case.
Feb 24, 2009
Yawndog Millionaire
Firstly, since I haven’t seen any of the other nominated movies, I wont comment on whether or not the movie deserved 8 oscars. Maybe the other ones were equally bad or worse. Maybe it's post Obama America trying to make amends for the last couple of decades of self-obsession and self-righteousness by acknowledging that non Americans also belong to the human race. Maybe it's all these and other factors combining in the ridiculous way fate sometimes has of turning things on it's head.
So, lets discuss the movie itself. It's not even good, forget great. The screenplay has gaping holes, the storyline is ridiculous, the performances are extremely ordinary, the script is juvenile, the cinematography is as good as what we see in most hindi movies these days and the direction is average. Rehman is good, but way way short of his best (but I guess even that is good enough for the Oscars so that’s all right). And of course it has the following scene:
Poor Boy Fucked by Fate (PBFF) working as guide to American Tourist With Golden Heart (ATGH) is caught stealing and is thrashed by Insensitive Indian Goon (IIG).
PBFF while getting belted tells ATGH – ‘see..this is the real India’.
ATGH stops IIG, scolds him, hands PBFF a C note and tells him ‘this is the real America’.
Amazing!! Real goose bump and lumpy throat stuff right?
And the reaction!! Funniest thing yesterday was how both the British and Indian media were going bonkers that ‘their movie’ had won. And there were celebrations in the Bandra slums and in Pali Hill bungalows. At the end of the day, the hype is all about Bollywood. This entire ‘spontaenous eruption of joy’ has been carefully choreographed since the BAFTA nominations. So, while the movie ran to empty theatres across Mumbai, the film fraternity came out with media bytes blazing – no doubt mentally rearranging their dates to accommodate Hollywood directors they think would be lining up after this phenomenon.
Was the reaction similar when Pt Ravi Shankar or Pt Zakir Hussain got the Grammy? Or when Ray (who???) won the Oscar?
As Borat would say…’Naaaaat!!!’.
So, lets discuss the movie itself. It's not even good, forget great. The screenplay has gaping holes, the storyline is ridiculous, the performances are extremely ordinary, the script is juvenile, the cinematography is as good as what we see in most hindi movies these days and the direction is average. Rehman is good, but way way short of his best (but I guess even that is good enough for the Oscars so that’s all right). And of course it has the following scene:
Poor Boy Fucked by Fate (PBFF) working as guide to American Tourist With Golden Heart (ATGH) is caught stealing and is thrashed by Insensitive Indian Goon (IIG).
PBFF while getting belted tells ATGH – ‘see..this is the real India’.
ATGH stops IIG, scolds him, hands PBFF a C note and tells him ‘this is the real America’.
Amazing!! Real goose bump and lumpy throat stuff right?
And the reaction!! Funniest thing yesterday was how both the British and Indian media were going bonkers that ‘their movie’ had won. And there were celebrations in the Bandra slums and in Pali Hill bungalows. At the end of the day, the hype is all about Bollywood. This entire ‘spontaenous eruption of joy’ has been carefully choreographed since the BAFTA nominations. So, while the movie ran to empty theatres across Mumbai, the film fraternity came out with media bytes blazing – no doubt mentally rearranging their dates to accommodate Hollywood directors they think would be lining up after this phenomenon.
Was the reaction similar when Pt Ravi Shankar or Pt Zakir Hussain got the Grammy? Or when Ray (who???) won the Oscar?
As Borat would say…’Naaaaat!!!’.
Jan 16, 2009
Bloody us
Before the tirade starts a word of thanks to all my pompous, self-obsessed countrymen. For it was them that had started me blogging when i had felt the urge to express my frustration and anger against them. Then over the years my friends and constant readers (god bless each and every one of them) convinced me that i had 'talent'...with the obvious outcome being i stopped writing those posts and concentrated on compositions full of samples of my 'talent'...with the expected outcome that this blog averages 4 posts a year.
BUT NOT ANY MORE. 'I can see clearly now the rain's gone' as Mr Whittaker had sung. 'I have seen the light' as Buddha said. And so here goes.
Huge hoohah in India with 2 issues - Sachin not figuring in ICC top 20 list of test batsmen and Mr Amitabh F Bachan expressing his disgust at Slumdog Millionaire showing poverty in India.
A big FUCK YOU to all of you.
BUT NOT ANY MORE. 'I can see clearly now the rain's gone' as Mr Whittaker had sung. 'I have seen the light' as Buddha said. And so here goes.
Huge hoohah in India with 2 issues - Sachin not figuring in ICC top 20 list of test batsmen and Mr Amitabh F Bachan expressing his disgust at Slumdog Millionaire showing poverty in India.
A big FUCK YOU to all of you.
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