What would I do without Shilpa guys? You may have read this post. But today she has given me another chance to write about something important, rather than posting 'delhi jokes' and 'bullshit tags' (according to one of my ex-friend's whom i have disowned because he is the wrong finger type). So here goes..
There is a huge ruckus about Richard Gere necking with Shilpa Shetty yesterday. And why should'nt there be? We are from the land of mughal and victorian slavery. We dont have sex. Some dirty bastards wrote the fucking Kama Sutra. Their bastard cousins sculpted the Khajuraho temples. Our widows shave their heads and eat veg to make themselves unattrative to 'preying males'. Our children fill up forms where there is no space for 'mother's name'. Our father (of the nation) slept with his nieces to prove that he was above the 'weakness of the flesh'. In all his greatness he went on record saying that he failed....
But so what? We are a nation that respects women. Where our country is our mother, where the mother and sister are goddesses, where words like 'behnchod' and 'motherchod' are more reviled than 'uncivilised' or 'uneducated'. But that again is not important..
What is important is that for the last 779 years we have conquered our sexual drive. We are a nation that believes, truly madly and deeply, that sex is BAD!! Our movies show swaying flowers when couples kiss. Our heroines get slapped around by 'manly' heroes and then go home and justify the fact saying that the its the responsibility of the woman in the house to maintain peace and harmony. 2.7665% of our women achieve orgasms, 97.2335% of those who dont, have some 'problem'. We are a country where a guy indulging in a screwing spree is a stud while a girl doing the same is a slut. We are a nation of 'men'.
So Richard..lay off man. Do your shit with the Julias of the world. In our country, even the whores are virgins. If they are not, it because they had been raped by an uncle or an office boss and they have been forced into that world. You can take your charms elsewhere...'it don't impress us much'.
Jai Hind.
Apr 16, 2007
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9 comments:
actually i found the gere kiss pretty gross. the way he was forcing it on her it seemed. altho i agree that all the hoopla about it is bull shit and makes me cringe to be a journo.
the more news i read about India the further i move from my country. i have not missed a single thing about India till now apart from family and friends. Not even the food.
scout: it's the coverage of the event that i was talking about, not the event itself.
vikas: dont u miss being able to go for a long drive after getting totally sloshed and not worrying about breathalisers?
Scout: Gross? And forcing Shilpa Shetty. Hah.. Infact, i was feeling sorry for Gere. How can somebody kiss 'Shilpa Shetty'. But he had to it according to the script. All for AIDS awareness.
If Gere had gone any further Shilpa's plastic nose would have fallen off surely. Yuks. Next time we meet I will show how Shilpa Shetty & Aishwarya Rai laugh using their face. Typical of Manglorean girls.
Shuv: So much angst is not good at all. Avoid married woman, young girls & your boss.
shuv: it is meaningless without friends.
kaushik,
nothing against shilpa...i warn you.
Issh! Ghetu. Tomar Shilpa key bhalo laagey.. Aaar kono meye pelena. Ai tomar taste.. Biyer korar aagey amaakey jiggesh koro ekbar..
tomar kach theke soundyorjo gyan jante aamar kono iccha nei. tumi jaake 'bombshell' bolo taar chobi dekhe ja hotash holam!
thak...beshi chaap niyo naa. shilpa'r soundorjyo bojhar moto shilpi tumi nau. tumi tomar horimudi marka 'bombshell' der niye besto thaklei bodhoy prithibir bhalo hoy.
Well, I see you guys have gotten the Gere-Shetty saga all wrong. No fault of yours though. Even the so called professionals - the celebrity watchers, those most cerebral fraction of human kind - got it wrong. Who in their right minds ... wait, we are talking about Richard Gere here, right? OK, forget that lie of thought ...
Why would Richard Gere want to kiss and neck with Shilpa Shetty when there's a perfectly good looking truck driver right in the first row? Or, if Banta Singh refuses, I am sure he would not say no to shoving a live rodent where the sun doesn't shine.
Anyway, this is what happened. Having heard of Shilpa having come into some money (assiduously earned by allowing herself to be called the stupid indian bitch by half-educated limeys with bad teeth), Richard was just pitching her to do something for the human rights cause in Tibet. Have you noticed that the man's acting repertoire consists of one face - yeah, that one - where he squishes up his face, squints his eyes and applies 200 tons per square inch internal pressure to force the tears out? Sorry you guys in the SI (not Sports Illustrated) world, I have been forced to become a adopted U.S. moron as far as scientific units are concerned.
In fact, all his trips to visit the Dalai Lama are written off on his taxes as research, as he hopes to play the man when the movie is made. Actually, come to think of it, given his lack of facial expressions, with a severe haircut (like in An Officer and a Gentleman), he would be a dead ringer for the enlightened one.
Anyhow, what he was actually doing was whispering in her ear "Free Tibet ...Free Tibet ...". Why she chose to hear "Three in bed" nobody knows.
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