'Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's companion'...one of the bloody ten commandments
How can one exactly define 'loose' morals these days? In this day and age of failing marriages, dead relationships and robotic existences why is adultery still such a big deal? How does one justify a person who never cheats on his spouse but at the same time has a meaningless marital relationship? Is such a person a hypocrit, an escapist or is he the future of the institution called marriage?
Why is it that people can forgive a person who has a platonic relationship outside a regular relationship (be it marriage or otherwise) by justifying that 'everyone needs a shoulder to cry on'. Why is the same person labelled a cheat when the relationship becomes physical? Nowadays, people hardly meet someone they can talk to or relate to. All relationships are structured, all players all careful to play it according to the book, all of us are actors who mentally rehearse each line we speak before we utter them. When we find someone with whom one can be one's true self, is it a sin to bare one's soul to that person? And if one has bared one's soul, what is baring one's body?
Why are 'sacrifice' and 'adjustment' such holy words?
Jun 19, 2006
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16 comments:
i guess when you allow promiscuity, you are allowing lots of unwanted diseases to creep in the society.
ya, the doubts you raised is valid. but somehow, i feel when you come to the body basics, you get dirty.
Shuv,
In response to your NINE questions and THREE statements …
Morals have nothing (fundamentally) to do with who sticks what body part where. They have everything to do with promises made and kept. They have everything to do with principles and openness and consistency. The question “Why is adultery such a big deal in thse days of failing marriages, dead relationships etc …” is fundamentally flawed because it is absolutely back-ass-wards (no I don’t mean ass-backwards). It’s like the kid who killed his parents and then asked for the mercy of the court on the grounds that he was an orphan. The assumption that people can easily ‘forgive’ platonic relationships but not physical ones is also wrong. There have been many of the former variety that show a much deeper level of marital alienation than a hundred of the latter variety put together.
The person who never cheats on his/her spouse while having a ‘meaningless’ (your word not mine) marital relationship is a hypocrite no doubt because they are dwelling on the meaninglessness of the marriage rather than what can be done to change things. The sole purpose of the institution (“Marriage is a great institution but who wants to live in an institution?” - Groucho Marx) of marriage was to impart stability to a family. Do you remember Mechanics from Physics? I am talking about STABILITY, not EQUILIBRIUM. You are confusing an unstable equilibrium with non-equilibrium.
May I ask, do you know ANYBODY who has a ‘good’ marriage? It seems you don’t. If you do, have you ever asked them if they do everything together, can fill in the gaps in each other’s sentences, take vacations every month, can sit in silence and still communicate perfectly, have angelic children, fuck like rabbits and come at the same time? If so, ask them to write a book. If not, wonder why not?.
You have chosen to label ‘sacrifice' and 'adjustment' as ‘holy words’. Or maybe, you have wondered why these words have been given the ‘holy’ label by society. But aren’t there two sides of the coin always? After all, life is not SHOLAY. Self-sacrifice? Or sacrifice of the marriage and all that goes with it? Adjustment to a ‘bad’ marriage, or adjusting one’s life out of it? Both actions may have strong impetuses and who is someone else to judge others? But to do both simultaneously, i.e. to preserve all the structure of the marriage while betraying it, is I believe, inconsistent.
i hate the words "sacrifice" and "adjustment": to me they are not holy. i hate the morality imposed on us by the indian society and the suffocating grip it has on us.
DD - Want to stand up and clap. Reason? Bcoz u summarized most perfectly what I wanted to say but was not being able to spell it out so lucently.
Morals indeed is about "promises made and kept" and "with principles and openness and consistency".
Shuv: In this context of urs 2 of my posts are pertinent read. Though they do not provide any solutions but just raises some issues..
1. Marriage Today
2. The Human Zoo
i am just a lonely blogger who wants people to comment on my posts hehe..who said these are my beliefs?
BUT..these are what i believe:
1) everyone should live together before getting married
2) everyone should review marriage vows bi-annually like one has performance reviews at work
3) Everyone should have flings and not get caught
4) Everyone should realise early on that the concept of marriage is bullshit and then try and live on as friends
5) Everyone should shut their traps and not tell the world how they actually feel leading a married life. Else, they will be looked down on as some specimen discovered under a rock.
HAIL MARRIAGE! HAIL COMMITMENT! HAIL PROMISCUITY!
Guess what?? These 3 words have first letters that spell MCP
koushik u bloody fool i am cancelling bangalore
dadamoni..u definitely should start writing..
okay..some background. this post was an attempt to justify a woman i know who is a good wife, mother and daughter in law, who has a typical loveless marriage, who had started talking to a guy over the net for some time pass and who in one of her weak moments succumbed and had a physical relationship with the guy. people who got to know about it immediately labelled her a slut (the guy was labelled a stud though)....this was in defence of her.
Shuv: This last comment should not have been made. Sometimes I feel let bygones be bygones.
I am tempted to comment about the slut and the stud. But will not.
Am equally tempted to give a mouthful to the willing "pimp" who was equally married and mothered. May be she feels equally less loved.
She says she has had enough of it (my comments). But the same "she" till this day cannot justify a thing.
Un/Fortunately she does not have the patience to follow all the comments of you posts. So we can all rest in peace.
i dont have a fucking clue what you are talking about koushik..
Thats a serious one & it was good food for thought.'Morals' as you call them,wont you say, should be very personal & not decided by the society?its you who decide whats right or wrong for you,& moreover how can it be consistent when you are constantly changing with every little experience?Come on,adultary is no deal anymore,its just a casual fling for a very short time,as long as the need stays.Relations no longer happen,one that grows steadily with time,makes you selfless,& gives you enough reasons to be happy at any time.The institu-
tion of marriage cropped up primarily for 2 reasons;one is to legalise the sole right to fuck your wife,& 2ndly to hand over personal property & wealth to the legal son.It did give rise to stable & powerful kingdoms,but family life never had any peace or stability,as man remained polyga- mous,even till date& its this family that gave rise to various psychological terminology.
And well, the mind cannot accept lust in a physical relation but if its love,the soul is but one with the body.You can watch the movie The bridges of madison county & feel how beautiful a relation can be even if it is adultary.I guess nothing matters when you meet the right person,anytime in your life.
Its the society who coins these terms like sacrifice or adjustment and they are meant for the common- er,not the one who can think,you dont adjust you understand & share,you dont painfully sacrifice,you are just happy to do it.
PHEW!!!!!!!!
yeah i have watched madisson rip..gr8 movie, amazing performances..and clint looks better in his 70-s than all the banas and crowes put together..
Hi RIP! How r u? Whenever u write long sermons break it into small paragraphs. It is less painful.
My dear Kaushik,I'l definitely keep in mind your request next time.Its too good of you to have taken all that pain.
just to dispel a common confusion created by my comment..the 'stud' in question is not me.
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