Watching Sahara Samay now (i rarely get time nowadays to watch TV..whenever i do i make it a point to either watch a news channel or a 'lifestyle' channel..gives me something to write about..
anyway...sahara is covering a car for the past 1 hour which has 3 occupants..a girl who is driving, and 2 other friends..they are high, waving at the camera, and they drove their car right up to the PM's residence!! (as if its their problem, not the security agencies) and its still going on...
Now a very seriously concerned correspondent is linking the episode to the nuke deal that US signed today and the mumbai blast..
this looks promising..now they are trying to get cleavage shots of the girl who was driving as she is walking into the police station...
this looks good..logging off now..HAIL INDIA NEWS CHANNELS!!!!
Jul 27, 2006
Jul 20, 2006
Madness 3
the girl was something i dont even want to talk about. not even on my diary. in fact, i have reached this stage of self control where i dont even dream about her. i dont even think of how she screamed..and then laughed..in that high pitched voice kids have that drives me crazy, like hearing a hard chalk on a blackboard, or a steel cup scraped along a floor, or that incessant meaningless loud chatter when a group of them accumulate....sounds that makes me want to ram something down their throats, something short and abrasive, something that will scrape and scratch and shred their oh so soft pipes, drawing blood, raping that thing that the educated call the 'mucus' or whatever..i think of muck when i hear of that word..muck, shit, slime..all the words in the english dictionary that define these pests.
it was all right till the time i had one 'of mine own'. i fact, since i wont lie to my diary, let me confess that the only reason i finally decided to allow one of these smelly bitches to share my bed and commode was the fact that i could have one of these things to play with, away from the prying eyes of neighbors and 'concerned' doctors and teachers'. dont get me wrong here..i am not one of those choots who are (what the educated call) paedophiles...how can one think of sex when all one wants to do whip those bastards into total compliance? there's another english word for this of kind of fetish as well (i dont remember, nor do i care)...we live in a world where every abnormanility can be termed (and thereby justified) by some medical or psychological (or whatever term)..this so called abnornamility that i had had nothing to do with all that..is discipline an abnormality?
when the time came when i had to start listening to the clamors of marriage, all i used to think of was having some of my own..and after the first 7 months of our marriage (yes, dear diary...i had made sure that the waiting time was as less as possible..the bitter half was chosen accordingly) things started taking a rosy turn. in fact, i couldnt wait to get back home, when the doorbell rang and i could heard the sound of pattering feet, hear the scraping of the lock as he struggled to open the dual locks, hear the frantic struggle to take out the latest 'painting' he had excreted, hear the bitch put on the final touches to her hair before the door swung back....and then see the expressions change when they looked at my face, see the shrinking away, almost hear the pounding hearts, almost smell the naked smell of fear when i stumble in with my whiskey breath and bloodied shirt.
it was all right till the time i had one 'of mine own'. i fact, since i wont lie to my diary, let me confess that the only reason i finally decided to allow one of these smelly bitches to share my bed and commode was the fact that i could have one of these things to play with, away from the prying eyes of neighbors and 'concerned' doctors and teachers'. dont get me wrong here..i am not one of those choots who are (what the educated call) paedophiles...how can one think of sex when all one wants to do whip those bastards into total compliance? there's another english word for this of kind of fetish as well (i dont remember, nor do i care)...we live in a world where every abnormanility can be termed (and thereby justified) by some medical or psychological (or whatever term)..this so called abnornamility that i had had nothing to do with all that..is discipline an abnormality?
when the time came when i had to start listening to the clamors of marriage, all i used to think of was having some of my own..and after the first 7 months of our marriage (yes, dear diary...i had made sure that the waiting time was as less as possible..the bitter half was chosen accordingly) things started taking a rosy turn. in fact, i couldnt wait to get back home, when the doorbell rang and i could heard the sound of pattering feet, hear the scraping of the lock as he struggled to open the dual locks, hear the frantic struggle to take out the latest 'painting' he had excreted, hear the bitch put on the final touches to her hair before the door swung back....and then see the expressions change when they looked at my face, see the shrinking away, almost hear the pounding hearts, almost smell the naked smell of fear when i stumble in with my whiskey breath and bloodied shirt.
Jul 18, 2006
Hail Democracy!
Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high;
Where knowledge is free;
Where the world has not been broken up into fragments by narrow domestic walls;
Where words come out from the depth of truth;
Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection;
Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way into the dreary desert sand of dead habit;
Where the mind is led forward by thee into ever-widening thought and action--
Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake.
-- Rabindranath Tagore (1901)
It took India 105 years to finally disqualify itself on ALL counts among the parameters listed above. Whatever the situation we were in till date, at least the common man had a voice. Its not important whether that voice acheved anything or not. At least he had one. Not any more. The Indian government has banned blogs, logic being that these are being used by terrorists to communicate. So 18 blog sites, containing 'objectionable, anti-nationalistic' sentiments (like calling that sardar an arsehole) have been blocked. As Daltrey sang these lines..
'And the men who spurred us on
Sit in judgement of all wrong
They decide and the shotgun sings the song
I'll tip my hat to the new constitution
Take a bow for the new revolution'..
But guess what? You know how one can access the blogs (how i am posting that is)..there is a Pakistani site that has the hack to open blogs that are blocked in India, China and Iran. So basically, Indians whose voices have been shut because of Pakistan backed terrorist can now open their mouths aided by a site hosted by Pakistanis.
Bravo India Bravo!!!
Where knowledge is free;
Where the world has not been broken up into fragments by narrow domestic walls;
Where words come out from the depth of truth;
Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection;
Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way into the dreary desert sand of dead habit;
Where the mind is led forward by thee into ever-widening thought and action--
Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake.
-- Rabindranath Tagore (1901)
It took India 105 years to finally disqualify itself on ALL counts among the parameters listed above. Whatever the situation we were in till date, at least the common man had a voice. Its not important whether that voice acheved anything or not. At least he had one. Not any more. The Indian government has banned blogs, logic being that these are being used by terrorists to communicate. So 18 blog sites, containing 'objectionable, anti-nationalistic' sentiments (like calling that sardar an arsehole) have been blocked. As Daltrey sang these lines..
'And the men who spurred us on
Sit in judgement of all wrong
They decide and the shotgun sings the song
I'll tip my hat to the new constitution
Take a bow for the new revolution'..
But guess what? You know how one can access the blogs (how i am posting that is)..there is a Pakistani site that has the hack to open blogs that are blocked in India, China and Iran. So basically, Indians whose voices have been shut because of Pakistan backed terrorist can now open their mouths aided by a site hosted by Pakistanis.
Bravo India Bravo!!!
Jul 13, 2006
Sub chutiye hai.
I am thankful to the media. Thankful to the news channels, to the papers, to television..to everyone who somehow manage to save me at the last moment whenever it looks like i might shake off the comatose state and do something constructive. If you have read the last post you might have started getting worried that maybe finally i would wake up and do something..here's what's been happening over the weekend:
1) riots in mumbai becos someone painted thackeray's wife's statue black..buses have been burned, trains stopped and traffic disrupted...there's the Mumbai Spirit for you...2 days after the city was innundated and people waded thru shit to reach home.
2) surdies fighting amongst each other in ludhiana..akali dal faction fights...all the hockey stick 'interactions' live on tv
3) neighbors pouring ink over a 60 yr old professor because he is having an affair with his 22 yr student (covered EXTENSIVELY over 6 hrs in all news channels)
4) patient comes to AIIMS and docs are on strike..patient has 60% burns..not admitted..but reporters cover him, sitting outside the hospital, waiting for treatment..they dont take him to another hospital..oh no..they wait....and sure enough..the guy succumbs from his burns..and NOW, they are taking on the system and the administration.
5) guy threatens immolation over some fucking issue (i am least bothered, dont even remember)..time and date fixed. media reaches there, cameras on, guy immolates, dies, cameras rolling, 3 days of debate, lamenting the system.
6) bombay blasts..people walk home, smile on camera, people staying overnight at stations, food getting served, picnic atmosphere..BOMBAY SPIRIT!
FUCK INDIA! WE ABSOLUTELY DESERVE WHAT WE HAVE. CONSULTANTS!!! MAIL ME.
1) riots in mumbai becos someone painted thackeray's wife's statue black..buses have been burned, trains stopped and traffic disrupted...there's the Mumbai Spirit for you...2 days after the city was innundated and people waded thru shit to reach home.
2) surdies fighting amongst each other in ludhiana..akali dal faction fights...all the hockey stick 'interactions' live on tv
3) neighbors pouring ink over a 60 yr old professor because he is having an affair with his 22 yr student (covered EXTENSIVELY over 6 hrs in all news channels)
4) patient comes to AIIMS and docs are on strike..patient has 60% burns..not admitted..but reporters cover him, sitting outside the hospital, waiting for treatment..they dont take him to another hospital..oh no..they wait....and sure enough..the guy succumbs from his burns..and NOW, they are taking on the system and the administration.
5) guy threatens immolation over some fucking issue (i am least bothered, dont even remember)..time and date fixed. media reaches there, cameras on, guy immolates, dies, cameras rolling, 3 days of debate, lamenting the system.
6) bombay blasts..people walk home, smile on camera, people staying overnight at stations, food getting served, picnic atmosphere..BOMBAY SPIRIT!
FUCK INDIA! WE ABSOLUTELY DESERVE WHAT WE HAVE. CONSULTANTS!!! MAIL ME.
Jul 6, 2006
India shining!
Increasingly these days, I get approached by young guys, asking if I can get them some work. Their profile varies from a daily wage labourer to a qualified chartered accountant. I feel desperately sorry for these guys and sometimes I wonder how I would have handled a situation where I have to approach unknown people for a job. I have seen a lot of such guys, as well as office peons earning 1000 bucks a month, traders sitting on pavements selling used pins, broken radio parts and what not, jobless graduates standing in the midday sun requesting passers by to fill up a credit card application form....and have wondered how they can manage to support their families.
Yesterday I had to go to a place about 3 kms from my office where there are major hassles finding a parking slot; so i took a mini-van. Suddenly a huge rucus started in the front - the conductor was asking a guy for fare and he was saying he just wanted to travel for one stop. Finally the bus was stopped and he was bodily thrown out. At that time i cursed him for the delay..later i started thinking what possible situation a man might be in that he has to resort to such things to save two bucks?
What kind of a future can they dream of? Or do they even dream any more?
In a country such as ours, I sometimes feel ashamed of the industry I am in and the so called 'work' that I do and the pay packet I take home doing that. But then, I will only write about it..i am too lazy to do anything constructive about it.
Yesterday I had to go to a place about 3 kms from my office where there are major hassles finding a parking slot; so i took a mini-van. Suddenly a huge rucus started in the front - the conductor was asking a guy for fare and he was saying he just wanted to travel for one stop. Finally the bus was stopped and he was bodily thrown out. At that time i cursed him for the delay..later i started thinking what possible situation a man might be in that he has to resort to such things to save two bucks?
What kind of a future can they dream of? Or do they even dream any more?
In a country such as ours, I sometimes feel ashamed of the industry I am in and the so called 'work' that I do and the pay packet I take home doing that. But then, I will only write about it..i am too lazy to do anything constructive about it.
Madness -2
It had all started about 3 months back - when I first started seeing the faces. Faces of a woman and two children. Faces with their expressionless eyes. Faces motionless, just staring at me, like vultures waiting for a prey to breathe its last. I still remember the first time distinctly. I had taken my car keys out of the dressing table drawer and looked up in the mirror and saw her. She was standing just behind my right shoulder, and though outwardly she looked perfectly ordinary, I knew that she was rotting inside. I could smell the graveyard earth on her, I could feel the emptiness, the nothingness inside her. And she just stood there, not making idiotic scary faces or exposing dripping canines or puking green vomit. She just fucking stood there motionless, even as the terror inside me finally erupted out, as i blindly lashed out and swept everything off the dresser, struggling to breathe, struggling to push air into my starving lungs, to unlock the muscles of heart and get the bastard ticking again. Then she was gone, and I began screaming, screaming till I felt my vocal chords about to break from the strain, screaming till i could hear the pounding on the door, till the neighbors finally broke in and forced me to lie down, till I could feel a prick on my neck and then oblivion.
After that it became quite common. I saw her again one day looking at me from the balcony outside my bedroom as I tossed around waiting for sleep to come. And then the children started. The first time was a boy of about 6. It was a power cut that day and I was climbing the stairs to my third floor apartment with a torch in hand. I rounded a corner and the torch fell on his unflinching eyes as he stood 4 steps above me. He was dressed in a school uniform and it was drenched with blood. Oh dear sweet god, there was so much blood! Again I felt my throat closing up, my heart locking and as i frantically clawed at my throat the torch fell out of my nerveless fingers and in the dark he(it) brushed by me and i actually felt the cotton shirt and the sticky blood and tissues as he went past. I had a screaming fit that day too and had to be put under sedation for 12 hours.
..to be continued (tough job..have to finish soon and get on with cribbing about life)
After that it became quite common. I saw her again one day looking at me from the balcony outside my bedroom as I tossed around waiting for sleep to come. And then the children started. The first time was a boy of about 6. It was a power cut that day and I was climbing the stairs to my third floor apartment with a torch in hand. I rounded a corner and the torch fell on his unflinching eyes as he stood 4 steps above me. He was dressed in a school uniform and it was drenched with blood. Oh dear sweet god, there was so much blood! Again I felt my throat closing up, my heart locking and as i frantically clawed at my throat the torch fell out of my nerveless fingers and in the dark he(it) brushed by me and i actually felt the cotton shirt and the sticky blood and tissues as he went past. I had a screaming fit that day too and had to be put under sedation for 12 hours.
..to be continued (tough job..have to finish soon and get on with cribbing about life)
Jul 4, 2006
With apologies to none
A very close friend of mine, a regular reader of my blog, a guy totally opposite in character to me has been increasingly concerned regarding the sheer negativity of my attitude (in life in general and in this blog in particular) and cynicism. His standard question to me after one of my monologues is 'Is there anything in life that you like'? Agreed with him completely..until yesterday, when the 'Madness' post proved too much for him and he send me a link to a blog of a couple who blog together, sharing their favourite songs, travel plans, inform the readers how they miss each other and how they enjoyed their family function.
Here is my response to that..and to everyone else who feels that way about me:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ok..let this be a litmus test between your optimism and my cynicism. if u know them and follow their lives let me know what happens..not what they write in their blog but what actually happens (if u get to know about it that is)
and by the way..i am sorry but i hated the blog..reminded me of sooraj barjatiya..he will be happy in bombay..with his hindi love songs and walking thru waist high water with floating shit. i found the blog totally depth-less, in total disconnect with the real world.
by the way..i have had a great life...people who know me know how much i love life..thats why i try and collect experiences as varied as i can possibly can. i dont know anyone personally who has as many good memories as i have. when i die it would be without regrets. my blog is a place for all the other things in life..all the fuck ups and all the crap that is making this world a screwed up place. the REAL world is somewhere between the blog you sent and my blog.
its anybody's choice what their reading material should be like. an electric shock or a sugar coated sleeping pill. and that's all right with me.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Here is my response to that..and to everyone else who feels that way about me:
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ok..let this be a litmus test between your optimism and my cynicism. if u know them and follow their lives let me know what happens..not what they write in their blog but what actually happens (if u get to know about it that is)
and by the way..i am sorry but i hated the blog..reminded me of sooraj barjatiya..he will be happy in bombay..with his hindi love songs and walking thru waist high water with floating shit. i found the blog totally depth-less, in total disconnect with the real world.
by the way..i have had a great life...people who know me know how much i love life..thats why i try and collect experiences as varied as i can possibly can. i dont know anyone personally who has as many good memories as i have. when i die it would be without regrets. my blog is a place for all the other things in life..all the fuck ups and all the crap that is making this world a screwed up place. the REAL world is somewhere between the blog you sent and my blog.
its anybody's choice what their reading material should be like. an electric shock or a sugar coated sleeping pill. and that's all right with me.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jul 3, 2006
Madness
The place deep within the centre of the brain had started itching again. It was maddenning, an itch that was was somehow both physical and psychological at the same time. And the more i thought about it, the more it seemed to pulse and throb and grow, like an alien mass of jelly that i had seen in those thousands of sci-fi flicks of the 70s.
I realised that i was slowly going mad. I could actually visualise myself cowering in the corner of a room, furiously scratching my head and face, drawing blood, bashing my head against the wall, lashing my back with a belt, trying to make my brain forget about the itch, trying to bring it back from the brink of that bottomless black void it was tottering on the edge on, a void from which there was no clawing back, a void at the bottom of which slithered silent, cold things, things one couldnt hear but can feel sliding up your body, surely finding out the orifices of your body and making their way up to the brain, as if guided by some beaming signal sent out by the rotting, metling brain.
...to be continued (maybe)
I realised that i was slowly going mad. I could actually visualise myself cowering in the corner of a room, furiously scratching my head and face, drawing blood, bashing my head against the wall, lashing my back with a belt, trying to make my brain forget about the itch, trying to bring it back from the brink of that bottomless black void it was tottering on the edge on, a void from which there was no clawing back, a void at the bottom of which slithered silent, cold things, things one couldnt hear but can feel sliding up your body, surely finding out the orifices of your body and making their way up to the brain, as if guided by some beaming signal sent out by the rotting, metling brain.
...to be continued (maybe)
Jul 1, 2006
Dont worry
OK..I am out of it. To all my dearest friends (and I am lucky to have all you guys), people who have started to worry about my mental state here are the changes:
1) I am not leaving IBM. I will stick around for a couple of years more and then see what the company can offer. If I manage to get a transfer to Pune in the near future then that will be an additional boon, else Delhi it is.
2) I have started cooking. Yesterday's mutton was slurpalicious.
3) French classes start from 10th evening.
4) Serious work starts from 3rd morning.
5) Detox starts from 10th evening.
Impossible is nothing.
1) I am not leaving IBM. I will stick around for a couple of years more and then see what the company can offer. If I manage to get a transfer to Pune in the near future then that will be an additional boon, else Delhi it is.
2) I have started cooking. Yesterday's mutton was slurpalicious.
3) French classes start from 10th evening.
4) Serious work starts from 3rd morning.
5) Detox starts from 10th evening.
Impossible is nothing.
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