A point to prove

A lot of technical stuff that had to removed because it got patented and hence not available for public viewing.

Thou shalt not cheat

We heard the key in the lock just as we were getting under the covers. White faced, I scrambled for my clothes and shoes lying scattered around the room while she made a dash for the door.

'I am home', the sonofabitch called out, from the living room, taking his shoes off.

'Under the bed' the bitch hissed at me, wrapping a towel around her before going out to meet him halfway. I had no options left. The bastard was bigger than me, and on top of that he was some bloody treasurer or something in the apartment complex. I knew what would happen if I got caught. At best, they would thrash the shit out of me and parade me around naked on the Gurgaon streets. At worst, they would call Aajtak or some such nosey parker motherfucking channel and blacken my face live on national TV. So..I dived under the bed.

I hate being under beds. Even when I was kid playing hide and seek I didnt like them. I hated cobwebs, cockroaches and forgotten junk. I hated the claustrophobia. I hated the smell. And in this case, I hated having to lie there hearing the groans and pants.

Because, nympho bloody bitch that she is, the escapade had made her horny. I saw their legs as they entered the room and then predictably, saw the towel slide to the floor. She giggled playfully and I saw one of her legs start rubbing the bastards pants.

'I am tired darling', he said, and I mentally cheered. But..the bitch was not to be denied so easily.

'A quick one sweetheart', she whispered, guiding him towards the bed, 'I need it badly'.

'You always do', he protested, as I rooted for him to stand up and be a man, 'but you also have to realise I just back from work'. But it was too late. As their weight settled on the bed, I watched aghast as one by one his discarded clothes started floating down on the floor. Soon, she was moaning and he was groaning, and then the bed was shaking and creaking and it started becoming so fucking unbearable that I started toying with the idea of trying to sneak out.

But I had underestimated the bitch. Just when her frenzied screams gave me a glimmer of hope that she was getting done, a hand snaked down and grasped my privates. I mean it was bloody unbelievable! The bloody woman was trying to fondle me while she was bloody shagging her hubby and I was just supposed to bloody lay down and bloody take it? Who the bloody hell did she bloody think I was? But my bloody dick has a mind of its own. I mean it actually quite exciting and all, and soon it was too late to resist and I gave in.

We all were done soon after that. I mean this communal orgasm was pretty ridiculous! It would have pretty funny if I had seen it on TV but at that time I wasnt laughing. She kissed him and said 'That was the best darling. Wait for me while I take a shower...and then we can do it again'.

We both groaned. She went in.

'You can come out now', he said, and I almost had a cardiac. I tried to make myself believe that he was talking to his wife, but I knew.

'Come out unless you want me to call the security', he said again without raising his voice, and I knew I was finished. With as much dignity as I could muster, I came out bare arsed and stood in front of him like a bloody kid caught stealing candy.

He measured me up very slowly and thoroughly and gave a satisifed grunt.

'You'll do', he said, lighting a cigeratte. 'From now on come here every Saturday afternoon..2-4PM..else your wife gets an anonymous call'.

I was hugely relieved. Fucker was a pervert who got off watching his wife getting screwed!! This was turning into something very good, I mentally gloated. Grinning I started putting my clothes on till I remembered something.

'Boss you forgot something..she goes to her kitty party thingies on Saturdays', I reminded him kindly.

'I know. You will come for me. Why do you think she sleeps around like a slut? I dont like women. But you will keep both of us happy'.

Overheard

'That's too big', she said, with rounded eyes.

'Try it', he said, with a smile, 'and you wont regret it'.

'But its too much for me. What can I possibly do with one that big?', she asked in anguish, as if its been shoved down her throat.

'Its not always that you will come across one this big', he said, obscenely caressing and fondling it as he spoke. The woman seemed rivetted. It was as if she was hypnotised by the size and texture of it. And sure enough, as if in a daze, she reached out and grasped it and pulled it towards herself.

'How much?', she asked, as she bent down and with a long, deep breath inhaled its fragrance.

'For you, 12 rupees a kg', the sabziwala said, wrapping up the cucumber in a take away pack.

And the spell broke.

Of crabs and humans

There was this joke that was going around when we were in school..about an 'international crab festival' where nations all over the world were participating in a competition to prove whose crabs were the best..and they were all travelling on the same airline, and each country had their own basket containing their best crabs, and then a long detailed description of the lengths each of the 'advanced' countries have gone to to make sure that their prize crabs don't escape, and then obviously there was this indian basket which was left lying totally unsecured, and when asked the indian delegation says 'dont worry, they wont escape..whenever one tries to climb out the others pull him right back in'.

Well I am sure u have heard some variation or the other of this story. But this is something I have been facing on and off for the last 6 years or so. Since 6 years, I have been living a so-called 'lonely' life. Staying 'away' from my family, commuting to meet my wife and kid, returning to an empty bed after work and whatever after office activity i choose to pursue, taking extended weekends to visit my family whenever I feel like, deciding to visit relatives and friends on the spur of a moment if I feel like it irrespective of their location in India, going out on family trips to some goddamn weekend break place if the city is getting too claustrophobic..i don't know, generally sleeping well.

But..

Some people are so concerned about me. Be it some childhood friends, some casual aquantainces, some faceless meddlers...they are convinced that I am miserable. 'Some' is the operative word here. Anyone who knows me well is happy for me. Because I won't trade my life (at the moment) for anyone else's.

So all you people..thanks for your concerns..but no thanks. Get a life and let me live mine.

I refuse

After long consideration, I have decided that I can't marry you. Probably the decision is a mistake. After all, we are so much alike. Both of us respect the other's space, we both love the same things, have the same attitudes towards life. Both of us get frustrated because of the same reasons, both of us come out of our darkest depressions through the same tonic. I love your eyes and your impish smile. I would have loved to grow old with you.

But.

I cant. And the reasons are obvious.

So, I refuse.

And its a good thing that I have never expressed my feelings to you. And that you don't have a clue. And that this entire tragedy resides entirely in my imagination.